The Monster Mash 

You have 48 hours to find the perfect Halloween costume. We'll bail you out.

In honor of the recent DVD release of Rankin/Bass' great stop-frame animation freakfest Mad Monster Party -- and, hey, why not, Halloween -- Clair has decided to have a costume party of her own. Can you guess which musicians or bands these people are dressed as?

1. A sinister couple arrives dressed as Scarlett O'Hara and Mr. French from Family Affair.

2. A regal monarch with really rosy cheeks brandishing a crown wanders around singing "Deck the Halls," "Hark! The Herald Angels Sing," and "Joy to the World."

3. Dangit. You thought they would come, but they are no-shows. Someone call the cops.

4. A fellow dressed like an Old West sheriff walks around shoving people's shirts into their pants.

5. An amped-up, extremely overexcitable man, dressed as a marathoner, shows up at 12 a.m. exactly.

6. A painted hussy/slutbag saunters in dressed in a cape with a gigantic "T" on her chest. Fights crime, even in the quietest moments. You'd drive her back to her apartment, but it'd take four hours to get there.

7. A sallow-looking dude comes dressed as a python coiled around a white rat, tempting his date, Eve, with an apple he stole from some random guy. He also tries to sell you Levi's.

8. The third president of the United States, preparing for takeoff. Smells of rancid shit that infects the whole party. His attempt to combine popular music with civic planning was a total disaster.

9. North Korea's ruler arrives in a leopard-print toga. Do not, under any circumstances, negotiate with him.

10. The Grim Reaper, disguised in a chauffeur's hat, waits in airport baggage claim with a sign that reads: Cutie.

11. A reclusive weirdo sneaks in wearing highwaters, horn-rimmed glasses, and a pocket protector bulging with pens. He wanders around the party offering free first-time trials of bennies, yellowjackets, red birds, and rainbows.

12. A gin-blossomed '30s actor in static-cling clothing just needs one more love song to reach seventy.

13. Rock Hudson costar gets seasick and has to bite her lip and close her eyes to keep her lunch down.

14. A gigantic waving hand engulfed in flames. When you see it, you immediately get the munchies.

15. A gardener wears a suit of dirt and earth -- his jacket and pants are rows planted with crowns of ripened globes of Jupiter, Saturn, and Venus jutting up and plum for the pickin'.

Stumped? Try matching these: Dexy's Midnight Runners, Death Cab for Cutie, Digable Planets, Green Day, High on Fire, Belle and Sebastian, Carole King, Jefferson Starship, Kim Wilde, Magnetic Fields, Marshall Tucker Band, Missing Persons, Squeeze, Supertramp, Squarepusher.


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