Stripping no, teasing yes 

From knee socks to lap dancing, I haven't quite been able to stop.

I should have outgrown my need to tease a long time ago.

It started in first grade with my friend, Linda. Standing in line, we'd flirt with the upperclassmen. By upperclassmen I mean fifth-grade boys; by flirting I mean winking and rolling down our knee socks. Later, I turned heads walking through the high school cafeteria letting my hips do the talking. When a cute cafeteria-spectator tried to cop a feel, our date ended with him calling me "frigid," the high school males' term for frustrated. I took it in stride. After all, I was no ho.

A tease is the farthest thing from a ho. Hoes do it for money, sluts do it for free, but a tease doesn't do it, although everyone thinks she will.

After college, I crashed like a shipwreck onto the shores of striptease. YAY tease! But striptease had transmogrified into lap dancing. I hated pounding steak, I just wanted to sell the sizzle — all for the near-spatter. Years later, I thought, "If I don't get out of this business, I'll be eighty, and brought out only for bachelor parties. I bet most men find an eighty-year old tease annoying." So I hung up my G-string. But at thirty-something (that would be thirty-twelve) I'm still so incorrigible that now I tease — oops! — teach a class called TEASE. I guess it's my way of passing the torch.



Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Anonymous and pseudonymous comments will be removed.

Latest in Bad Citizen

Most Popular Stories

  • The Express' November 2018 Endorsement Guide

    We endorse Schaaf, Ezzy Ashcraft, and Butt; along with Fortunato Bas, Thao, Middleton, and Whitaker for Oakland council and Knox White and Oddie for Alameda council.
  • Role Reversals in the Oakland Mayor's Race

    In the Oakland mayor's race, the normally staid Libby Schaaf has come out swinging, while one of her top challengers, the usually brash Cat Brooks, is acting more like a Fortune 500 CEO.
  • Richmond at a Crossroads

    The city is on the verge of an economic boom: Will Mayor Tom Butt, a longtime city official, lead it to prosperity, or will the Richmond Progressive Alliance take full control of City Hall?
  • Oakland Council District 4 Is a Wide-Open Contest

    With the incumbent quitting, the race features seven candidates, including three who are running as a slate.
  • Island Gone Wild

    This has been a crazy year in Alameda politics, and it's about to get crazier.

Special Reports

Fall Arts 2018

Our Picks for the Best Events of the Fall Arts Season

The Queer & Trans Issue 2018

Stories about creating safe spaces in the Queer and Trans community.

© 2018 East Bay Express    All Rights Reserved
Powered by Foundation