Editor’s Note
Each year we compile some of the memorable letters, phone calls, and press releases we received during the prior twelve months. In the interest of verisimilitude, all spelling, punctuation, and grammar are the writers’ own.
Boobs on the Brain
Booooo for the booby brained
Nicolo Basile
No More Headlights
It’s a secret that’s often airbrushed away in wedding photos, but the memory can live on in the minds of bridal party members for years to come. It’s more than a wardrobe malfunction, it’s the dreaded ‘headlights’ or nipple protrusion. And it’s more common than imagined.
“With so many air-conditioned rooms, women wearing sleek bridal wear are seeing more than just wedding cake. They are seeing they outline of their nipples through their dresses,” says Anne Zuckerman, owner of Edith’s Inc. “This is not they way most brides — and their bridal party — want to stand out on such an important day as a wedding.”
Zuckerman created Bezi Bra Discs to eliminate embarrassing moments by preventing nipple visibility. Designed and patented by an engineer the skin tone discs are fabricated using top quality non-latex material. Using a technologically advanced manufacturing procedure, Bezi Bra Discs can be worn with most bras.
“So many women make a major investment in their wedding dress, but they forget there’s so much more than the actual dress. Undergarments, including Bezi Bra Discs, are just as essential as the dress itself,” says Zuckerman.
The discs are available in fine lingerie and bridal stores across the United States, as well as hundreds of stores online. For a store locator, visit http://www.EdithsInc.com.
Anonymous
Wat It Do
a i got all ur cds my pops handed them down
Samuel Lopez, Modesto
Occurrence of Intrigue
Recently, I was chewing a piece of gum from a popular and well known brand. To my surprise, I discovered two shards of metal, or what appear to be and feel like foil, stuck in the gum. Foreign objects of this type seem like extremely unlikely candidates to find in gum and I’m quite curious of your thoughts on this?
I have spoken with the company already and we’re discussing the matter but I’m interested in outside opinion. Please get back to me on recommendations or perhaps your own interest.
Thank you,
Sean
Over Population
Dear Mr. Buel, the United States had an increase of 13 Million people from 2004 to 2009. That’s only 5 years. In 25 years that will be 65 Million people. In 50 years that will be 130 Million people. In 100 years that will be 260 Million people. In 500 years that will be 1 Billion 300 Million people. Add that to the 300 Million people we already have and you end up with a grand total of 1 Billion 600 Million people in the United States by the year 2509. Does the word “CANNIBALISM” mean anything? Save your future generations from a miserable and horrible end. Stop creating and if you have children tell them when they grow up not to create. I am 100% sure your future generations will appreciate not being left behind to face that situation. Spread this message to the entire world.
Jesus Christ, Havre de Grace, Maryland
A Meteor Strike May Have Set Off the Earth Tone Tuning Fork in Downtown Berkeley
I called the editorial number yesterday and I believe I spoke to you.
Yesterday, on the 19th, I witnessed the 40′ tall Earth Song Tuning Fork in the middle of Downtown Berkeley resonate for over two hours. I had gotten there at 4:30 PM, and it was moving when, (and most likely before), before I had arrived. There was not a gust of wind and nothing else could have manipulated it. It was moving as though it was producing a tone. For those two hours I would return to peer at the fork every so often. In all the years I’ve seen it, I’ve never seen it resonate with such force and consistency.
According to the plaque underneath the monument,
“Our Earth, as a spheroid in space, rings like a bell whenever it is impacted by a meteor, earthquake, or underground nuclear test. After the initial impact, a simple hum persists. On a seismogram, it shows the initial complex wave pattern of the impact settles into a standing wave pattern of the free oscillation of the Earth itself. In musical term, this is the tonal center of our Earth.”
I did my own research and found that there had been a meteor shower followed by large strike the day before in Utah on the 18th. This link will show it to you:
youtube.com/watch?v=sHkH7ZyfkuU
It could be that the force of that meteor was so powerful that it caused a hum in the fork for the entirety of the following day.
That is what I speculate, but perhaps you could come up with a better conclusion.
Thanks for your time.
Vince Lucchesi
Theft From Charity/Clinton Related
I am sending one last mail to the smaller papers in the hope than an editor may know dirty words like ethics or morality.
An evil woman by the name of Elizabeth Gracen stole millions from myself and charity and left me to die on the streets of Paris.
Gracen first screwed Bill Clinton to obtain a Miss Arkansas crown in the early 80,s that is well documented elsewhere.
I spent 2 years begging on the streets of Paris and crying myself asleep under bridges due to that vile abomanation Elizabeth Gracen.
I am ill and long for death and a release from the pain and suffering all that stops me ending my life is a dream of seeing Gracen be sent to jail.
My life is hell and I have not known a day of happiness since Nov 8 th 2002 due to Gracen.
Gracen is still screwing Clinton now and He protects Gracen from prosecution.
I want only one thing in this world and that is for Gracen to rot in jail.
My life is hell at the moment I am in Dublin the fucking armpit of the world sitting in a homeless shelter I have been trying to get home to NYC for 4 years but Clinton has pulled strings at state to see that does not happen
Even last week more bullshit from State Yes Chris We have Your passport more sick games.
Dublin is hell people from Dublin turn vulgarity into an art form.
I TRIED TO SET UP A CHARITY IN MY LATE DAUGHTERS NAME AND IT WAS THAT CHARITY gRACEN STOLE FROM CHILDREN IN THE 3 RD WORLD ARE DEAD DUE TO GRACEN.
Everything is explained on my website  WWW.CHRISHEPBURN.COM
Clinton has pulled strings with major media outlets to kill this story that is why I am trying the smaller papers in the hope that somebody knows dirty words like ethics,morality and justice.
This is personal with Gracen and I know something is wrong with me for once thinking this woman was my soul mate.
All that woman ever loved was money.
Regards
Chris
Story
Hello
How are you doing?
There are three stories I would like to do.
First I would like to do a story on E=MC2.
Einstein’s famous equation. It is the equation for the atomic bomb. E=MC2, now can you go and make an atom bomb? I think not. But E=MC2 is saying something else also. Look at the C2. What does that do in the equation? The C2 is multiplying the M. The C2 tells how much matter and energy are involved. The C2 is the bomb part, but the C2 is not the most important part of the equation. The E=M part is what is really important, regardless of the amounts involved. Matter and energy are the same thing, that’s what is really important. The E=M part of the equation is more important then the C2 part. So if matter and energy are the same thing, what is that stuff !
Yes, I would like to do a story on E=MC2.
Then I would like to do a story on space.
You know how most people believe space goes on forever?
Well what if that is wrong and space does not go on forever and space ends ?
Yes, I would like to do a story on space.
Then I would like to do a story on heaven.
You know how most people don’t know what heaven is really like?
Yes, I would like to do a story on heaven.
If you are interested in my works, you may contact me at; [email protected]
Robert Lavelle
2258 N. Clybourn
Chicago, Il 60614
Thank You
Robert Lavelle
The World Beagle
I would please like you to put my story in the Paper. I am only nine, but i write very very intresting stories, biographys , auto biographys, and fables.
As you would think “a nine year old” “how ridicules” But i am very intelegent for my age. I am just not good in multiplacation, that i can idmit. But if youd please read over my story and email me back …so heres the story send back with corrections:
 The world Beagle!
 Chapter 1: listen
 One date in April there was a little undisruptive beagle out on the move to
Escape. The beagle couldn’t escape because it was chained!
I think I went too far, so let me explain.
The beagle’s name was Cue. Cue had wanted to have a day off of super modeling. Cue was tied up because his owner hired a dog sitter that thought that dogs were nastier than spit.
He wanted to dog nap Cue but he was going to wait until tomorrow
So the owner wouldn’t come early to see him packing. Soon Cue got in the car to get dog napped, but Cue didn’t know he was getting dog napped! But
Cue was very, very, very smart! So Cue soon discovered that he was getting dog napped! So Cue thought his only solution was to …
JUMPÂ Â Â Â so Cue put three of his skates on and he only put on three because he needed to jump with one leg. Cue wasn’t sure what to do
So he pushed the handle down and he flew out before he could even think about some where to go! Suddenly he started rushing under cars, and suddenly boom, he hit grass! Cue was so very scared! He thought and thought and soon before anyone could think any more a Persian cat, named Chloe came up to him! Cue thought he shouldn’t mess with her, but Chloe messed with him!
Chloe went up and said in a short high voice” how are you lost, and may I join you?” Cue didn’t know what to say so all he said was …
Chapter two: Chloe’s Surprise
“What kind of cat are you and do you bite scratch claw, screech or be
Mean in anyway?” Chloe said no and cue said yes with a loving howl. “Chloe, do you know where the next town is?” Cue asked in a deep voice like dark Vader “No I do not” said Chloe like princess Lea in a high girl voice. What they did was go to the picture place witch Cue wanted a day off
Of and now he had it and he wanted to give it up for Chloe since she’s still a Kitten that had never had a home. Here are the picks.
Days past, and cue’s owner forgot all about him and stayed longer on her vacation. for many days past and you would wonder what do they eat and I am going to tell you now, they always would pass a bakery with tarts and other things like that, and the baker always think there so cute that he would give them many pastries so they wouldn’t starve. One day the baker was out of pastries so the baker gave him a bowl of clam chowder, and gave Chloe some warm milk with little flakes of cereal, the baker had cereal because he lived at his Shoppe! Soon the too were walking down the street and somebody thought they were so cute so they picked them up, and took them home!
Chapter three: the huge great disaster of a mess in a home.
Soon Cue and Chloe got to the home it was a disaster and you could even imagine the amount of pets that have died by entering the home! When Cue saw an open door he grabbed Chloe by the neck and ran! The nearest thing that they could reach was a nearby train station so cue ran on found a spot and fell asleep with Chloe! The next thing they new was they were in
Porto Rico! Cue thought from Arizona to Porto Rico, wow we were asleep for a long time. Cue walked out of the train station seeing many pets and there owners. Cue was felling sad, and so was Chloe. Soon they heard a familiar voice saying something. They walked towards it and soon they discovered cue’s owner was right there, and she also took Chloe too and this comes to the end of a happy new life of Chloe and the great life of Cue!
Anonymous
Not-So-Healthy Oakland
This is a true story. I wrote this letter instead of breaking a window. I have really improved on my anger issues. Yoga.
Dear Pastor Lanksford.
Today, as I was bicycling on my way home from two hours of volunteer work with a non profit arts group working with the handicapped.I was nearly run over by a Grey van, running a red light, driven by a Healthy Oakland worker. This occurred at the intersection of West Grand and San Pablo, at approximately 12:30 pm. I shouted “hey” to the driver who proceeded to slow down enough to give me a one fingered salute. Being filled with the bliss and love for my fellow man, I decided to ride up and inform this kind caring soul in a 4 ton motorized vehicle that he almost killed a bicyclist in his hurry. When I arrived close to his window and told him that he had just ran a red light and he should possibly slow down. He told me that I was not the police and I should “not worry about him”.
This is very disturbing. I work hard at improving Oakland, on many different levels. I have lived her nearly fifteen years, and have never encountered such brazen disrespect for a fellow human being. I have nothing but pity and compassion for this man. After realizing that he is just an angry little boy, trapped in a mans body I decided to go on about my way. As I turned away he proceeded to call me A “F**ing Dipsh*t”….This is amazing. If this is the type of people you have representing “Healthy Oakland” we are indeed a long ways away from making this a world class city of peace. It is God’s way not ours on this earth. When it is my time to go I accept. I would prefer it not to be under the wheels of a van.
Thank You very much and God Bless Oakland,
Kevin Saunders, Oakland
A citizen for a better community.
P.S.
To be angry is to let others punish you.
To forgive others is to be good to yourself.
master Cheng Yen.
How to Profile a Latent Homosexual
As a convicted female internal toilet and stalker, I have found that many men enjoy women who appear to look like boys. Perhaps it is because I am 5″4′, with a slim body, virually no hips and small breasts. By no means am I a feminine woman and, in fact, may appear to be an effeminate male. I am rugged, an extremely oppressed multi-tasker, and now need to be outdoors in decent weather. Men seem to be sexually attracted to me and insist that I am one of their “buddies” for the purpose of arousing or gratifying their sexual fantasies and desires.
On the other hand, men, including law enforcement, enjoy spewing women’sclothing all over the state perhaps to indicate, “a conquest”? For instance, when state and federal judges declared her an enemy combatant, (because she doesn’t want to service American men) they authorized other seizure violations without regard to the Fourth Amendment.
Yet, another was authorized through the illegal suspension of her California driver’s license so that she would have to depend on American men to do her favors and so she would have to beg them for sex. Other Exculpatory evidence has been removed from my website Appeals For Justice.)
On a manifested pattern of public indiscretions, foreclosing on ALL my housing has resulted in destruction and thefts with only my underware and shoes left behind perhaps for further embarrassment and humiliation?
This egregious case originating from Napa, California to Klamath Falls, Oregon continues to demonstrate a pattern of abusive conduct all with a bonus of arbitrary detention, arrests and harassment.
At Raped By The Beast, you will find that this author has had to weather aplague of unethical conduct by state and federal judges, that this author’s efforts of a feeble mind to express itself forcibly questioning authority for clarification of the grand theft larceny of her $100k rightfully inherited trust estate.
Undoubtedly, state and federal judges, and U.S. Government officials willhave to terminate her life because her children will soon be of age and will find out the truth: What the U.S. Government and their People have done to their mother!
How will they perform the dubious task of eliminating her life? Will law enforcement, their hooligans, informants, neighbors, jail snitches, good ol boy politics and their punks be the final arbiters of justice? Will it be their oppressive practices and new torture techniques near the base of Kingsley Airport in Klamath Falls, Oregon? Or, will it be the deceptive devices used to abandon her to every low profligacy and vice?
I know this sounds like a hostile intrusion for an email, but undoubtedly it is true. See my website, Raped By The Beast for more details and uploaded evidence; And, please do not tarry, because your daughters could be next.
Find out from the lawyers who are the drain on society. Find out from inept defense counsel who allows the prosecution’s incredibly contrived scenario of crimes that have gone essentially unchallenged.
Stay tuned for my two new cases contrived by Klamath County Animal Controlreceived today (March 11, 2009)http://kinispolarbear.bravehost.com/crimestoday.htmlKini Cosma, Klamath, Oregon
Listening to Band While They Practice
my name is juan and a good friend knows richard beam and his bad and he took me to hear them practice. it was very . the sound was very good. i’m asking if you mind me going and hearing the band practice again even though my friend moved to colorado.my friends name is TRINO RAMIREZ, and playing music with before he left to colorado, and can you let me the time and days the practices are. thank you very much for your time. Â
Juan Aguillen, Union City
Autographed Picture
This is Benjamin Kaplan and I have always been a very huge fan of the broadway actor Jacob Ming Trent and I was wondering if you could send me a autographed picture of him as the papa Ogre from Shrek at this address 2138 Tarleton Drive Charlottesville,VA 22901 thanks
Benjamin Kaplan, Charlottesville, Va.
God Save Uncle Sam
I, Rush Limbaugh, declare that Uncle Sam(US) might deteriorate to Uncle Ken(UK), or even to much worse the Edorado of Corruption(EU)! Let’s go back to Election Day, 11/4/08. That was the day of hope. The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at 9625. At this moment, the Dow Jones Industrial Average is hovering around 6580. It is down over 3,000 points. That means that just since November the 4th, the Dow Jones Industrial Average has lost a third of its value, $3 trillion of wealth has been wiped out. Is this what you voted for? …
Your government robs you at gunpoint, mostly in the form of indirect taxes. The best way to stop this armed robbery is to publish the Venitis Laws at your local paper.
Venitism is a new libertarian paradigm, introduced by Basil Venitis, the best Athenian orator; it integrates politics, economics, ethics, and spirituality. Venitists follow the Venitis Laws:
Venitis Law of Black Hole: Taxation is armed robbery that feeds the black hole of political corruption; it’s the perfect index of corruption and tyranny. Only evil governments tax citizens.
Venitis Law of Constitution: The only purpose of a constitution is to protect citizens from government abuse. Reform treaties of a confederation not voted by the citizens are null and void.
Venitis Law of Democracy: Every democracy is eventually hijacked by rabblerousers, pullpeddlers, clans of kleptocrats, bumptious bugaboos, busybodies, butterbabies, nabobs of nepotism, cranks of cronyism, pusillanimous pussyfooters, riffraffs of rascals, socialist sophists, and machiavellian mafiosi. Democracy tends to kleptocracy. Venitism should replace democracy.
Venitis Law of Depression: Only governments can cause economic depressions and funny money. Elimination of kleptocracy and VAT, lower tax rates, and a reduction in the burden of government are the only way to boost growth.
Venitis Law of Education: There is no direct relationship between education and schooling. You might be schooled but uneducated, and you might be educated but unschooled. Colleges are concentration camps for the drones of society. Internet is the best source of knowledge and information, replacing schools, libraries, parliaments, and postoffice.
Venitis Law of Environment: The best way to save the environment is vasectomy. Deadly viruses are Gaia’s antibiotics against the cancer of overpopulation.
Venitis Law of Equality: Death is the only equalizer. Egalitarianism brings death to society, tansforming citizens to zombies.
Venitis Law of Evolution: The ultimate phase of human evolution is the complete domination of soul.
Venitis Law of Faith: Faith is retarded thinking that keeps you away from God. You have to become faithless, in order to start your journey to God! You have to discover God your own way without intermediaries. God’s truth should replace faith.
Venitis Law of Government: The only purpose of government is to protect citizens from criminals. Public services, central banks, and fiat money should be abolished.
Venitis Law of Heroism: Entrepreneurs, innovators, and heretics are the real heroes.
Venitis Law of Insurance: Citizens with proper individual retirement accounts and health savings accounts should be allowed to opt out of State Insurance.
Venitis Law of Intervention: Any government intervention deteriorates an existing trend. Laissez-faire is the only progressive policy.
Venitis Law of Legislature: Parliaments should be abolished, because they continuously create laws that enslave citizens, constraint economic activity, loot producers, reward drones, and encourage political corruption.
Venitis Law of Misery: Throwing money to misery brings more misery. Fighting wild leverage with more leverage is homeopathic repression of reality. A deluge of fiat money brings financial plague and haemorrhage of economy. Real money is tied up to precious metals and strategic metals.
Venitis Law of Patriotism: Patriotism is addiction to local hysteria.
Venitis Law of Property: Governments should not own or regulate any property, including waves. The first individual who improves or cultivates any unclaimed property is entitled to that property. Governments cannot own, allocate, regulate, or manipulate frequency fields and media. Eminent domain is null and void.
Venitis Law of Religion: Religion is spiritual slavery. Church is the business of religion. Religious monopoly turns bishops to ayatollahs, and churches to Sodom and Gomor. Spirituality and metaphysics should replace religion.
Venitis Law of Rule: Anarchy is the rule of gangs, infinitesimal government is the rule of law, and big government is the rule of the cancer of socialism.
Venitis Law of Selfownership: You own your body and your soul, and nobody should dictate what you take in and what you take out. Heresy, habeas corpus, military service, mating, abortion, drugs, and euthanasia should be personal choices.
Venitis Law of Style: Your soul needs to resonate with mighty words and unique acts that express your style and destiny. Your government cannot dictate your language, your words, and your culture. Resonate now and sing your song!
Venitis Law of System: The most efficient political system is venitism, where everything is private, there are no taxes at all, there is no parliament, and a powerless infinitesimal government is chosen and supported not by hoi polloi, but by the most generous benefactors.
Venitis Square Law: Political corruption is proportional to the square of the size of the government.
Venitis Tax Law: For each percent of lower taxes, the economy grows by at least four percent more. Smart stimulus is to cut taxes. Stupidus stimulus is to increase spending, which stimulates the cancer of socialism!
P.S. If you published the Venitis Laws, your world could have been a much better place! What are you waiting for? The bird is in your hands! We need a critical mass of venitist fireflies to spread venitism all over the world.
Anonymous
Monster Jam
Dear Monster made sponse,call my number and say;moster made sponser for aaron fisch please. I’am 9years old.
Aaron Fisch, Lakewood
Do You Wanna Fight Whit Me?
u can? Come
Do you get bored and would you like to play something simple and exciting?
Do you think you’re strong enough?
Do you want to fight someone your size?
Want to make a hobby out of this?
Then I invite you to play a really exciting online game, which is not time consuming, it will help you eliminate the stress and boredom, playable at the office and at home and it will give you the opportunity to play with all of your friends!
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Click on ARENA, choose your nickname and show me the best you can do!
I hope you won’t disappoint me!
Thousands of users are online now and are expecting you to come and join a exceptional community!
Tell your friends and do not stay behind!
JUST TRY AND YOU WILL NOT BE DISAPPOINTED!
Sorry if I bothered you, but how else would you find this great game? Do not be upset and let’s draw a game! 🙂
William Brent Fighter
Man Made Evolution
Hi Kathleen, I have a red hot news tip for you. This is so hot it just might melt the glass on your computer. So be extra careful. The film that Roger Patterson and Bob Gimlin made in 1967 in Northern California at Bluff Creek of Bigfoot was real. No matter what anyone tells you, it was real. Here is what they filmed on October/20/1967.
Long before Jesus was born there were thousands of slaves that ran off around the world and started their own countries. When these slaves ran off there was a large group of men and boys of all different ages and sizes that took off and ended up in Africa. Some of them were giants as tall as 9 ft. or even taller. The giant named Goliath that David killedwith his slingshot was 9 ft. tall. So there were giant men that lived back then. Some of these men and boys went exploring to Borneo and caught female Orangutans and took them to South America and had sex with them and created the Indians. The men and boys that stayed in Africa caught female Gorillas and had sex with them and created the Blacks. When scientists found the bones in Africa they thought we evolved from a female Chimpanzee. But it wasn’t a natural evolution it was a man made evolution. That’s where all the Bigfoot and Orangutan creatures come from. They are half man and half Gorilla and half man and half Oranguta! They use to call the Indians the red man. The Orangutan has reddish hair. When those men bred out the hair the Indian’s skin remained red. The Gorilla has black hair and skin. When those men bred out the hair the Black man’s skin remained black. Some of the Indians and Blacks are tall. And some of the Bigfoot and Orangutan creatures are tall. They are tall because some of the men that created them were tall. Some scientists believe that we evolved from a female Chimpanzee. Have you ever seen an 8 ft. tall Chimpanzee? I haven’t either. Bigfoot migrated up through Africa and came into the United States at the top of Africa when they were connected by land. The Orangutan creatures migrated up through Central America and came into the United States like the Indians did. The creature that Roger Patterson and Bob Gimlin filmed in 1967 was half man and half Gorilla. It was a female Bigfoot that they named Patty. Patty was not a man in a costume, she is not our missing link and !she is not a figment of our imagination. Patty was a creature! that was created by men that had sex with female Gorillas and Orangutans a long time ago. Believe it or not, it’s the truth.
Jesus Christ, Havre de grace, Maryland
Scavengers Support Groups
I was extremely gratified to read your, Ms. Rufus’, paean to the scavengers’ movement, “The Scavenger’s Manifesto,” [May 20, 2009].
The prevalent Amerikan culture revolving about instant-gratification and more-is-better is not only self-enslaving but is a base for pernicious exploitation of others no less than is that other “base,” al-Qaida.
I would love to be participant in a live, local self-affirming organization of such scavengers, as well as a contributor to a similar Internet-based affinity group. Any ideas?
Michael Sachs, Oakland
MLK Jr. High School Students Behavior
Dear Ms. Greeley,
I would like to bring to your attention an issue which has been concerning me for some time. I commute from North Berkeley to Oakland Monday through Friday and pass the intersection of Rose and Martin Luther King Jr. Way each day. Increasingly, I have noticed your students crossing this intersection on a red signal, East-West direction. Often it is simply a matter of them starting out on a yellow and holding up traffic, but last Tuesday I witnessed a student walk in front of moving traffic, between cars. I see this behavior at least twice a week and I am only around that intersection for less than one minute, so I hate to think how often this happens during the day.
I do not want to be the one to maim, injure or kill someone’s child nor do I want to witness someone else do so, read about it or hear it has happened.. I do not have a solution, but it is my opinion that something must be done as it seems that such an occurrence is inevitable. I am copying the Berkeley Police Department, Traffic Division, the Councilmember for District 5 and the East Bay Express.Thanks you for your time and concern.
Peter Hale, Berkeley
What Do Catholics Mean by “The Virgin Birth”You mentioned that you had confused the Immaculate Conception with the virgin birth. I have yet to find anyone who does not, even Catholics. I suggest you explain the difference for your readers, that the baby was inside Mary’s body and then, a miracle, it was outside. The baby did not come through the birth cannal, take her hyman, and she remained a true physical virgin.
Timothy Travis, King George, Virginia
EXCLUSIVE VERSES FROM MAJOR RAPPERS FOR SALE!
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TATTOO MARKETING
Blanket w/ Sleeves vs. Towel w/ Arm Openings
20/20 Vision Management releases the Wearable Towel, “The Towel with Arm Openings”.
Indeed, this may seem quite familiar as you might recall “The Blanket With Sleeves” that took Americans by storm this winter, but with the summer heat headed our way, these blankets are all being put away. This however is not the end of the wearable craze; in fact it has just begun because now there’s a towel you can wear!
At first glance, it looks like a towel and well, it is! But it’s also so much more. The Wearable towel consists only of three arm openings which are placed along the side of the towel. While the concept in and of itself seems simple it has never been seen before.
We simply made the towel better,” said Zoni Stein, President and CEO of 20/20 Vision Management, whose creative reasoning has manifested this brainchild.
If you haven’t yet seen their direct response TV ad (which surprisingly is not cheesy at all) or received a twitter tweet about this revolutionary phenomenon, then you’re in for a surprise and not just any surprise because this surprise is going to make you everyday life that much better!
The World Wide Web is raving with reviews ranging from comparatives like “It’s not just a bathrobe worn backwards” to “I hate myself for loving you.” But our favorite is “Sorry guys. The Internet is over. There is a wearable towel now” which was written by John Biggs, of CrunchGear.com.
“While the obvious goal for us was to improve the towel, the most challenging part was warding off a;; the ‘Big players’ in the direct response business that tried to convince us to ‘up-sell’ the buyer with garbage they didn’t want or need,” said H\Jonathan Benitah, Chief Operating officer of Wearable Towel, Inc. “If that wasn’t bad enough, they pitched us on ways to offer a low price top attract the customer and then showed us ways to get the customer to pay ten times that amount. But that’s just not the way we were raised, so we set out to make the entire experience better. Now when people cell they can place an order in three minutes. Out\r caller ID captures their address so they don’t have to key-punch it in,. We don’t try to sell them anything extra and there are no unpleasant surprises when they get their credit card bill.”
“We didn’t want to leave anyone out, so we made five sizes. But I would have to say that the most important part of all is that when the Wearable Towel arrives at their doorstep, the first thing they Will notice is that the quality is the same as a s top-of-the-line conventional towel that they would buy in a department store for upwards of $40.00.”
THE WEARABLE TOWEL IS PATENT PENDING WORLD WIDE
Anonymous
