Our Favorite Letters of 2008 

Readers comment on carrot cake, roaches, Scarlett Johansson, pubic hair, sunglasses, inner guidance, plastic, Amy Winehouse, and much, much more.

Editor's Note

Each year we compile some of the memorable letters, phone calls, and press releases we received during the prior twelve months. In the interest of verisimilitude, all spelling, punctuation, and grammar are the writers' own.



Bruh, Sem City, CA

Hey Baby, How Are You?

Hey baby, how are you?

Hey sweetie, hope you're well

Hey dude, found a sweet site

Yo yo! Check this out dude

Hey sweetheart look what I came across

Virgil Shook

Best Carrot Cake

i was interested if you have ever done a best carrot cake in your food section.well if you have i would like to know has the best carrot cake in the bay area.

art lee, Richmond, CA

Drunk Roaches and Other Pest Problems Solved

Got roaches? Get them drunk. No, seriously.  Drunken roaches have as little control over themselves as intoxicated humans.  Put a saucer of beer on the floor and let them go to town. Once drunk, sweeping them up will be a cinch.

Julia Gabella

Left Berkeley

i wasn't a tree just multi disabled human and left in the road- no priority.

i left berkeley and the mostly stepford hippies.

i was suffering to badly for too long

everything is a mess even fair housing discriminated !

the Berkeley WAY

its mostly all for show now.



Scarlet Johansson Is a Clone

I'd like inform you that Scarlett Johansson (actress)actually is a clone from original person,who has nothing with acting career.Clone was created illegally using stolen biomaterial.Original Scarlett Galabekian last name is nice, CHRISTIAN young lady.I'll tell more,those clones(it's not only 1)made in GERMANY-world leader manufacturer of humans clones,it's in Ludwigshafen am Rhein,N. Bavaria,Mr.Helmut Kohl home town.You can't even imaging the scale of the cloning activity.But warning,H.Kohl staff 100% controlling their clones spreading around the world,they're NAZI type disciplined and mind controlled,be careful get close with clones you will be controlled too.Original family didn't authorize any activity with stolen biomaterials,no matter what form it was created in,it's all need to be back to original family control in Cedars-Sinai MedicalCenter in LA.Controlling clones is US military operation.Original Scarlett never was engaged,by the way


Coloring Your Naughty Bits

How to Color Gray Pubic Hair? Finally a Product that Doctors Recommend

I have an amazing hair color product that is flying off the shelves and perfect for a feature story.

More than 40 percent of women have some gray hair by their 40th birthday and this includes the "hair down there". This week, 'The Doctors' on CBS answered questions from hesitant guests on dying their pubic hair, a widespread issue among women over 40. The OBGYN on the show introduced Betty Beauty-"color for the hair down there" and billed it as not only safe to use but recommended for any women growing gray pubic hair. With the U.S. hair care market worth $3.2 billion—$38 billion worldwide—there seems to be huge potential for a product that colors your naughty bits.

Betty Beauty is sold on bettybeauty.com and in select Duane Reade, Bed Bath & Beyond, and Spencer's Gifts nationwide for $19.99. The process is easy and under 20 minutes; not to mention that it lasts over 6 weeks!

Nancy Jarecki, the founder of Betty Beauty, inc. launched the product after vacationing in Rome where she noticed women leaving salons with small bags of hair dye. Italian women are known to dye their pubic hair to match their dyed hair and because stylists aren't licensed to do it, women dye their "betty's" secretly, in the privacy of their own home. Realizing that women would love a commercially-available product to color this private area, Nancy began developing the first safe "color for the hair down there." Since launching on store shelves, Betty Beauty won a 2008 CEW Indie Award as well as the 2007 Beauty ICMAD Awards – Best Personal Care Innovation and Best Website Product Marketing.

Making Money by Mailing Letters

I have received 2 letters within 2 weeks telling me how I could make 800,000 dollars in a short period of time. All I had to do is send 1 dollar to each of 6 people listed in the letter, then buy addresses and send out 200 letters advising people that I would publish their names in my letters. All they had to do was send 1 dollar to each of the 6 names listed, mine was #6. I searched addresses and names on mapquest and could find no one with the names given at these addresses. I also checked out my name and address and my name and address were listed.

Could it be that there is a slight error in the addresses that would cause them to be forwarded and someone is scamming a lot of people who think they are going to get rich by doing this?

Since I have a very unique name could you please refer to me as Mollie, my first name?

I do not receive your paper, so could you please let me know if you find anything out about this. If it's legal I would like to make 800,000 thousand dollars in the next few months.

"Mollie" LEARY, Holly Ridge, NC

I Have Your Shades and It's Summer

Whats up man. We met at the ruby room. I think you were kinda hittin on my girl ( we still together) but nonethe less we kicked it. ended up bacvk at your pad wide eyed with grand ideas. Are you really a slug? (the two guys with me as well as my gf lillie and myself went to ucsc. I actually miored in journalism with aspirations to do what you. ( To this day I wish I had kept on top of my writing game). the day will come and I will have something to say. Amyway, due to the grand ideas and observations of the world, I damn near insisted that I trade you my knife for your shades. I have never worn them except that night! they are sweet. Even if you dont hve the knife any longer, I would like to return your shades. Keep up thee good work and hit me up if you feel loike it. peace

Jonathan Biebl, Oakland

Non-Polluting Energy Source

For over 10 years I have written letters to politicians, magazines, newspapers, etc., informing them that I have developed a non-polluting energy source that has a tremendous power gain. It would be, in my opinion, much, much cheaper than gas & the ideal source of energy for cars in the future.

Todate, I have not received any replys. Perhaps, when gasoline is twenty dollars a gallon, some one will check out my non-polluting power gain energy source. Only time will tell.

If you are interested, contact W.C. Wright – C.S. (707) 422-1538.

W.C. Wright

Please Don't Be Annoyed

Please dont be annoyed with my mail to you more especially as we did not know each other previously.

The fact is that i am holed up here in dakar-senegal with 19.5 million american dollars, and i am faced with the problem of taking it out of here as it is not safe here, i was wondering if you could help me out, note also that this money rightly beleongs to me and there is nothing to fear about, why i neeed your help is because the law here does not warant me to handle such amount of money.

please note also that i wish you could also help me in the investment of this money, i need your urgent reply, then i will give you more explanations  and how we are going to share this money we are going to discuss then.

Please do not betray me, if you are not interested please delet this mail and forget about it.

May God bless you as i wait for your mail.

Musa Ibih

New Era


This is a transitional time, an evolutionary one that has been anticipated for humanity, but this is not commonly recognized. We have opened a new era, one that allows us to access more of one's divinity. Over the last two thousand years, humanity's chakras have opened; this is a transformation similar to what caterpillars undergo. Now we can do as Noah did and heed our inner guidance. Inner guidance can be verified with the use of kinesiology. Thoughts sometimes do not mean what is initially assumed. Co-creating offers humanity hope since options that may not be considered and options that if pursued that are highly harmful can be identified. Co-creating could offer us evolutionary possibilities; this could include forming an equalitarian world government, as it could offer us information from our soul about how to heal, even learning how to heal the earth is possible. Myths can be exposed, as can hidden principles, even the two unidentified elements for the Perio!

dic Table of Elements could be identified.

Mercury in one's teeth can hinder this communication, as can one's beliefs. Learning to listen to one's soul takes practice.

Phillip Palmer, Denver

An Auschwitz in the United States?

The controversial bust (by sculptor Robert Arneson) of the murdered San Francisco Mayor George Moscone (I knew Mr. Moscone) was used to deflect attention from the architecture of the Moscone Convention Center, which was designed for and its intended to be used as a gas chamber.

(Peruse the San Francisco papers for the week of the convention center opening.)

Only those who know that what I am saying is true will "know for certain" that it is not. No one else can.

Who were the friends of Dan White? (the Mayor's assassin) Why is this man dead?

War can cause people to hate life itself and be determined to destroy it in a slaughtering way.

Ask three Europeans (one, English, Joan Ellison; one, French, Anne Marie Thielen; one, Italian, Elio Benvenuto), who lived through and survived the Second World War, came to the United States afterwards and, eventually, settled in for lengthy stays at the San Francisco Art Commission. (The Commission's Civic Design Committee has much more to do with architecture than it does with art.)

Where there are three there must be many.

Imagine the ways, after decades of preparation, in which the San Francisco Peninsula can be completely sealed off from the outside world and its citizenry compromised. (chemical fumes?)

Will this be accompanied by a disablement of the nation's electric power grid? (If this happens, then, I presume, we will be beyond the pale.)

I also think that a light needs to be shined on St. Louis, Missouri.

And, as well, on the Princeton Forrestal Center.

What hasn't been done to secure the chemical plants throughout the United States, I ask?

What brought about the reappearance of the Moscone Bust in the Public Eye on November 3, 1992, Presidential Election Day? – The death of Robert Arneson.

(I used to be the one who said, "There are no coincidences." No, I am one who says, "There are no accidents.")

Thank you for your attention.

Mr. Leland Mellott, Mt. Vernon, VA


... plastic, who's plastic. What's plastic ....

In physics and materials science, plasticity is a property of a material to undergo a non-reversible change of shape in response to an applied force. For example, a solid piece of metal or plastic being bent or pounded into a new shape displays plasticity as permanent changes occur within the material itself. By contrast, a permanent crease in a sheet of paper or a re-shaping of wet clay is due to a rearrangement of separate fibers or particles. In engineering, the transition from elastic behavior to plastic behavior is called yield. We want a Wall. and we won't accept anything less.

She's plastic ...

We heard a comment on TV that hasn't sat well with us since we heard it. A guest commented that ... " America is an economy...". Be beg to differ, and we give as proof to the contrary our work and efforts to enhance the future of this country.

America — The United States of America — is not an economy. The businesses the world has come to know as representing America: flourish: in the American People's presence.

America is not an economy. America is a People, Under God, Indivisible, who believe in Liberty and Justice for all.

America is a People; and I call as witnesses the millions, yea, billions who will eat and have clean water to drink today because of the heart of the American People, not our businesses.

America is not an economy, America is a People. And We the People run this country ... not our businesses, nor our government, nor our filthy rich citizens ...

We the People are America — The United States of America -

We want a WALL !!!

We are not about to allow some spoiled, snot nosed, brats; living behind a shield that WE provide for them; who would have never known about the Illegal Criminal Alien Invasion threat if WE hadn't TOLD THEM ... dictate to us what our level of safety and security should be.

As we said before ... we support the candidate who committs to building a WALL along our border ...

We want a Wall and we are ready to FIGHT FOR IT. Comprend'e !!

The Immigration laws we have now are fine. Enforce them. There's no need to make a list of new Immigration Laws that will only be ignored like these we have.

Enforce the laws we have before even thinking of changing them.

M.E Goodwin, Los Angeles

When I Take Over

The truth about which everyone whispers in elitist professional and lowly common circles and that no one dares audibly to articulate is that the medical and legal mongers and the chiefs and executives of the oil cartels and some few others have become extortionist and parasitic on the whole society and the wars and other "police actions" are but atrocious distractions from the social and economic requisites for the legitimate government's and nation's (the people's) continued existence.

When I take over ...

Full Employment Full Pay Full Benefits Human Rights Civil Rights Social Rights Economic Rights Legitimate Government Peace Goodwill and Universal Economy.

I promise.

John Richardson Meadows, Seaside, CA

Amy Winehouse and Hillary Have a Lot in Common

Amy Winehouse is addicted to drugs.

Bill is (was) addicted to Sex.

Hillary is addicted to Power.

Hillary is showing once again that she will DO or SAY anything to get power.

The American voter needs to have an "intervention" with Hillary.

Amy Winehouse and Hillary have a lot in common. Amy Winehouse is addicted to drugs. Hillary is addicted to power. If you have every had any direct dealing with someone who is addicted to cocaine or some drug — and I have — what you will quickly find out is what fantastic lies these people will tell in order to get money to fund their addiction. They will steal things out of your house or rob your bank account or take your bicycle and pawn it for money. Desperation and fantastic lying are 2 traits all drug addicts have.

The same goes for Hillary and her power addiction. Hillary will literally DO or SAY anything to feed her power addiction. Even if it destroys herself, her "family," her party or her country in the process. Hillary and Bill are both bitterly unhappy people, and ethical ciphers, or else they would not behave like this.

A good example of the Clintons' willing to do anything to get ahead — no matter how evil, crooked or illegal — was the near death beating of Gary Johnson on 6-26-92. Gary Johnson, a neighbor of Gennifer Flowers, had videotapes of Bill often going into Gennifer's condominium at the Quapaw Towers in Little Rock.

By 1982 Hillary was hiring Little Rock private investigator Ivan Duda to find out who Bill was screwing so she could put the lid on any political problems. Any normal person — which Hillary is not — any woman with some level of self esteem would have left Bill 36 years ago because his serial sexual betrayals were rampant even before they got married. Instead Hillary was hiring PIs to follow Bill, not for reasons of love, but because of her power addiction and madness.


Please forward this information to your Democratic friends and co-workers and ask that they (and you) vote for and support John Edwards, Barack OBAMA, Bill Richardson or any other Democratic candidate, and NOT Hillary. The difference is Hillary will break your kneecap to get to the White House; the others will not.

Thank-you and have a great day!

Robert Morrow, Austin, TX


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