Our Favorite Letters of 2007 

Readers comment on tree sitters, Paris Hilton, the Jeff Tedford conspiracy, Gum Arabic products, the next soda giant, RepubliCrats, gold for sale, toxic racism, the rogue behavior of Judas, mountain bikers, and much, much more.

Page 6 of 13

I have been trying to get North Americans to warn you, international world, but they just don't listen to me because I keep getting locked up in these silly metal institutes! They didn't want to believe in Heaven anyways, they wanted to believe in fashion and 16-year-old horny girls with nice tits and football, and when people don't want to believe they turn their backs on something very important: faith. Now we are going to play a little game of The Lord of The Rings now... here are the rules - Europeans: you're up against about 13,000,000 surviving "Golums", after the 24,000,000 finish destroying the rest of the planet, raised in matrix simulation in Texas. Golum hates international hobbitsies who don't pray to him so get moving. I don't care if you have to swim the damn ocean to get to America. I kept warning people but no one understood what a 31,704,444 kg nuke in Texas meant... So we're going to have lots of raping and pillaging the villages on our world destruction tour! In case you didn't get the point, the U.S. Army is weapon of mass destruction and it is time you learned that it serves Jesus Christ and only Jesus Christ. But what do I care if you get shot? I have been shot to death by a firing squad in 1879 after dying 473 times thanks to Satan... let me tell you, it's not that bad! OK, OK, I am being a little rude here... so I'll make you all a deal:

If you are not from North America and prayed to Jesus Christ or Mother Mary on a more or less regular basis (at least 3 prayers of more than 15 seconds time in your life to either one), we will euthanize you and your family for being respectful of your Gods, if you don't shoot at us. 48 seconds of your life could have saved you from pain or extensive worry (read John 3:16). Orphans and small children will be exempt from this test of faith and count as passing for euthanasia purposes. Unfortunately after you get this message it is already too late but there is another great deal at the end of this email. "For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved." – John 3:17

Otherwise you come to America or you taste Uruk steel and good day to you sirs and mams. Let me now explain our little war on the Middle East to you all through a simple acronym: Ahmad - Adolf Hitler Muhammad After Death. When you religiously believe in a 14,000-year-old warlord as a prophet of God you're going to get war if you do not squeeze in a few prayers to Jesus Christ. But we're not racists, the US Army already mirked millions of white folks for believing in Hitler, too. Oh Bilbo... Of course that doesn't justify our actions but being computer programs sure as Hell does. You can't blame the computer for winning at chess but you sure can scream and shout about it. So first I raised an army from the past and I convinced them that they could all be God incarnate too. That is what Christ gives, a perfect interpretation of solipsist existence to anyone who bothered to ask me. Oh here's another good joke for you Lord of the Rings fans: U R UK? HAI, i'm Fred... care for gang bang? Just make sure if you didn't pass my test and live internationally you wear your favourite schoolgirl uniform and if you're cute we'll make death almost quick as a needle for you ^_~. Wahaha, enjoy Ender's Game!

FS, Jesus Christ X

Great American Truck Out

GREAT AMERICAN TRUCK OUT April 23 24 and 25 We invite truckers to participate in a national "Truck Out" A Boycott, on April 23 24 and 25, 2007 SURROUND YOUR STATE CAPITOL BLDG BUMPER TO BUMPER

The point is to shut down and surround every capital in every state with a convoy of trucks, cars and motorcycles to protest the corrupt plans our government has to destroy our trucking industry, and our nation.

www.saveamericafund.org for details

We urge all citizens to slow down traffic nation wide so that the media will have to report WHY we are doing it. It's to expose the corruption that is killing our trucking industry and America.

The media has deliberately kept its citizens in the dark about the plan to make The United States, Canada and Mexico into one country and to change our dollar to the Amero. It's called the SPP (Security and Prosperity Partnership, http://www.spp.gov). Look up Lou Dobbs and Amero on Google Video and see.

No gas on May 15

As far as I'm concerned the problem is:

gasoline prices aren't HIGH ENOUGH.

What this country needs is a whopper of an energy crisis.

Want to pay less? Stop driving.

wat up

ay wat up im a Norteno 4rm denver colorado u should do all us nuttys a favor n visit North high school

Ricky, Denver, CO

"Radiohead Rorschach"

I saw this article about 3 years ago and honestly - I hate Radiohead but didn't have time to write. When I was single, if I found out that a guy I was dating liked Radiohead - it was a deal breaker - they'd be tossed out on their ass. Now, I have been forced to sit in a cubicle due to overpopulation here at my office, and the other day, my ever-so-inconsiderate co-worker was playing his music for everyone to hear (as he is doing right now the jack ass). Annoying enough as it was, the songs for the most part were alright so I just tried to ignore it..UNTIL...all of the sudden I heard what sounded like some indie band with a lead singer being murdered or anally raped. The whines and the high pitched incessant howling and the weird f-ing "music" underneath it all almost drove me over the edge. So I patiently waited for the song to end - and just as soon as it did - another one started. Same program, whines and wails - whales mating sound better than this guy - and it went ON A ND ON. Finally I asked the guy, "hey man, wacha lisenin to?" he goes - all proud "it's the new radiohead". I immediately popped a xanax, mapquested the closest circut city and went and bought headphones. If not for the xanax, I might have gone to the closest pawn shop and picked up a stylish little M16 and took this whole place out...bowling for columbine style...and I blame Thom. I'm sure Marilyn Manson and Slayer would be supportive :)

TC, Los Angeles

Scofflaw Snackers

Comments

Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

 
Subscribe to this thread:
Showing 1-1 of 1

Add a comment

Anonymous and pseudonymous comments will be removed.

Latest in Letters

Most Popular Stories

Special Reports

The Beer Issue 2020

The Decade in Review

The events and trends that shaped the Teens.

Best of the East Bay

2020

© 2020 Telegraph Media    All Rights Reserved
Powered by Foundation