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Noon Saturday: Best Place to Pick Up a Man with a Big Tool 

The Home Depot

If you're feeling randy while heading back from the city, it's easy to pop off in Emeryville. Going to the Home Depot on a weekend is mostly for the intrepid and adventurous -- people who enjoy being prodded by two-by-fours, elbowed at the paint counter, or being stuck behind nearsighted Aunt Bea and her five hundred gardening implements in the self-checkout line. But ladies (and gay men) who've learned know that Saturday at Home Depot means more than just stocking up on screws. Stud finder in aisle five, anyone? It's a smorgasbord of male meat -- cute, single hipster dudes who live in warehouses in West Oakland, henpecked husbands looking for any way out, good ol'-fashioned carpenter types who take their time to sand and smooth each piece until it fits just right, and big strong men to carry the cinderblocks to the registers for you. This place has more eyeballin' going on than Studio 54 in '78. All you need to do is get all prettied up and go and stand in the hardware section, looking helpless. Wait for an unsuspecting hunk to saunter up, then in your best flustered voice ask him how one of these things works, motioning to a hammer. If the dumb-broad thing ain't your bag, try dazzling him with your home-improvement knowledge: "Actually," you say, "the claw hammer is far superior for Sheetrock removal."

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