Murder by Rock 

Stuff you need to know about to avoid cultural ostracism.

Romantic Trend

Writing love letters composed entirely of Guitar Wolf lyrics.

"I love you, OK. You are the only person in this world. I dedicate all of my love. Sugar Speed is what I'll be flyin', straight toward the heart of the Miracle Girl. She's under me now, that happening girl. Love love love love baby. Love love LOVEROCK."

This Song Will Change Your Life

Gretchen Wilson's "Skoal Ring"

Wal-Mart country's sassy Cinderella delivers a romantic ode to chewing tobacco. Sample lyrics: When that boy comes home from work/Smellin' like the farm/That berry blend on his lips/Still turns me on. Perhaps the Red State/Blue State divide is more severe than we once thought.

Journalistic Coup's brilliant idea for priced-by-demand mp3s.

The more a song gets downloaded, the more you charge, whereupon "My Humps" will eventually cost $5, and Coltrane rarities will be available for a quarter apiece. A tax on stupidity. Purrrrfect.

new frontiers in patriotism

Ike is to Tina as R. Kelly is to the National Anthem

To his credit, he momentarily made pro boxing newsworthy again.

Culinary Masterwork

Cheerios with bananas.

Still unbeatable.


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