“Small Schools, Big Debate,” Feature, 3/11
Fire Rachel Swan, Pt. II
Rachel Swan is easily the most racist, sexist, homophobic,
xenophobic, agoraphobic person to ever write for your newspaper. She is
probably not a vegetarian. She has obviously never read The Pedagogy
of the Oppressed all the way through. Or maybe she just read the
Cliffs Notes. She has ruined the careers of countless aspiring rap
artists, stymied the reform efforts at Berkeley High, and hurt a lot of
people’s feelings. She is a threat to our community and our fragile
ecosystem. Didn’t we ask you to fire this miscreant last year? What,
may I ask, is taking so long?
When I first picked up your recent cover story, “Separate and
Unequal in Berkeley’s Small Schools,” I was expecting an in-depth,
longitudinal study of three decades of efforts to revamp the old
factory-model high school system. You may remember the alternative
schools of the 1970s and subsequent abolition of AP curriculum,
because, frankly, to borrow your phrase, it is unequal. You may
remember back in the day when we had classes on ice cream sculpture, or
the rather arcane underground hip-hop school we launched in 1998 which
covered everything from representations in graffiti to the discourse of
Tupac Shakur. We’ve taught classes on Pagan rituals and on an
endangered folk language from a quaint little mountain village in
Nevada. Surely you’ve never heard of it. We diversified the reading
curriculum to make it more great-booksy — specifically, the great
works of Cossack literature. We even at one point had a highly
specialized and little-known classics department, which taught
everything from Plato to Euripides. By graduation, some kids could
declaim parts of The Iliad by heart. And the ones who couldn’t
at least knew never to fuck with anyone named Medea.
None of this rich history was covered in your article, which leads
me to believe not only that Rachel Swan cut corners in the research
process (Um, hello? Why wasn’t I interviewed?) but that if you
actually met her in person, she’d probably turn out to be, well, pretty
ignorant.
This article does not pass the test.
Susan Hossgross, Berkeley
Bring Back God
I write to note a grave omission in your recent cover story,
“Separate and Unequal in Berkeley’s Small Schools.” You must realize by
now that the problem is not curriculum per se, but the elimination of
tried-and-true educational methodologies. The real problem with the
modern education system is that it lacks both God and corporal
punishment. This is why we fell behind the Russians in the first Cold
War. A more astute and comprehensive article would have looked into the
perfidiousness of modern high school textbooks, which gloss over many
details of both the Vietnam and Iraq wars, in addition to the large
body of evidence suggesting that our planet has indeed been visited by
at least one extraterrestrial race since the 1970s. I attribute this to
a government cover-up being carried out on behalf of textbook
companies, many of which are government and/or corporate-managed, for
which much of the proofreading and editing is outsourced to companies
in India and Japan.
In short, the best way to rectify our education system is to bring
God back into the classroom, being that we are a Christian nation.
R. Usurious, Walnut Creek
“Yelp and the Business of Extortion 2.0,” Feature, 2/18
Can I Buy You Dinner?
Your story, “Yelp and the Business of Extortion 2.0” was riddled
with errors. In fact, I’m amazed that you would stoop to such a new low
in journalism. The suggestion that “rogue” sales reps may have been
responsible for telling small business that if they advertised with us
then we would hide negative reviews about them is a bald-faced lie. The
truth is Our Small Business Revenue Enhancement Program is a
company-wide initiative. In fact, it was just one set of ideas we
rolled out to make Yelp more profitable. I’m afraid that our other
programs will have to remain confidential for now because of
proprietary reasons. I’m sure you understand.
The reason we invented these “enhanced revenue techniques” is that
Internet advertising revenues are virtually nonexistent, and creating a
business model based on them was a stupid idea. Anyone who tells you
otherwise is a fool or a liar, or both. Unfortunately, we bought into
the hype.
But we all know that no one reads your pathetic little rag. So this
letter will probably be ignored, much like your stories. And if it does
get picked up, I’m sure our friends in the MSM will have our backs. The
fact is that people’s love for the Internet blinds them to the truth.
Indeed, our business model depends on it.
Anonymous Yelp employee, San Francisco
Yelp Saves
I just want to say that your Yelp stories have been way off base. I
love Yelp. It’s on the cutting edge, and I think you’re just jealous. I
travel a lot, and Yelp has saved my ass on more than one occasion. Its
helpful reviews tell me where to eat. Yes, I’ve had to endure some
truly awful meals, but overall, it’s been a rewarding experience. I
particularly love how instantaneous it is. It sure beats having to
spend a few minutes looking up a review written by some “food expert”
who is paid to write professional critiques. I prefer to trust
anonymous reviewers, because I think people are much more likely to be
honest if they don’t have to put their names on positive reviews. So,
leave Yelp alone.
Nicholas Blanke, Oakland
“The Great Graffiti War,” Feature, 3/25
More Silver, Please
I can’t believe that you would go after a good man like Jim Sharp.
Sure, he’s a little, you know, off. But he’s a hero — and an
underrated artist. In fact, after my garage door was hit by graffiti
thugs last year, Mr. Sharp happily spray-painted the entire thing
silver. We loved it so much that we asked him to do our whole house
that color. We now have the first “Space Rocket” on our block. The
grandkids absolutely adore it. So, please leave good people like Mr.
Sharp alone, and write more about those rich developers who want to
ruin our beautiful city.
Gertrude Coot, Berkeley
“I Was Cougar Bait,” Feature, 2/11
More Sex, Please
I would simply like to state that this wantonly salacious piece is
the best thing I have read in the Express in a long time —
probably since that “Sex on Craigslist” piece a year or so back.
Frankly, the Express needs more sex. Savage Love is nice,
but it is not enough — after all, it presents the voice of only
one so-called sexpert. Dan Savage has an interesting perspective and
sometimes wonderful advice, but being a straight man, I find myself
yearning for a different view on sex within the pages of your
newspaper. I do recall a recent piece titled “Behind the Big Black
Penis” which I read with much interest, only to find that it didn’t
deal much with sex. Instead, it was a story about a book on race and
masculinity. A fine topic to be sure, but not quite what I was looking
for. The same goes for the story “Butting Up Against the Porn
Industry,” also in the Valentine’s Day issue. It fails to really dive
into the sex issue, instead focusing on business. The closest you came
was the reader-submitted “Worst Date Ever” stories. My point is that
pieces like “I Was Cougar Bait” and “Sex on Craigslist,” which really
get into the nitty-gritty of how to meet people in our modern world for
the purposes of casual, even anonymous sex, are in a class all by
themselves — a class I would really like to see more of. You
could also think about putting more enticing men and women on your
covers. More people would pick up your paper, even if the stories did
not deal directly with sex. As a reader, this is something I’d love to
see more of in the East Bay Express. And remember, for your own
financial well-being, sex sells.
Russ Trated, Castro Valley
