forevermom 
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Re: “When Love is Not Enough

Excellent article! I totally disagree with those who are offended by the comment "little monsters." It was not an inappropriate comment at all. I feel that those who took offense to that are just too touchy. I agree with everything Mom to 4 said and to Doug s. - You admit that your daughters are "moderate" and "attached". You are very lucky. Perhaps you would be more credible in your opinion if you were the parent of an extremely unattached child. ( RAD) I don't mean to slam Doug, but as the parent of a child with SEVERE Reactive Attachment Disorder I can testify accurately that this chis IS a "little monster." And before anyone calls me a bad mother, you can come live in my house and try to parent this child! Calling him a little monster does not mean I don't love him. In fact I love him so much it makes my heart hurt. Parenting a child that does not/cannot love you back is the most challenging thing a parent can ever do. My child has spray painted the house, severely abused the dog, swung the cat by its' tail, screams, tantrums, demands, lies indiscriminately, steals, pushes everyone who tries to become close to him away, has physically attacked us numerous times, hoards food, gorges, peed in the shampoo bottle, destroyed every toy we ever bought him. That is only the tip of the iceberg. We have totally exhausted ourselves in trying to heal him. I cannot even begin to tell you the amount of energy we have invested in trying to heal him to no avail. Parenting a child like this is extremely emotionally, physically and psychologically exhausting. I think that those who are trying to say that this article was sensationalism have no idea what Reactive Attachment Disorder is, for if you live with this disorder it is a completely validating piece of work. I speak not only for myself, but for my many friends that I have met in my support group. They would all be willing to say that their children are "little monsters" and not one of them is a bad, unloving parent. In fact those who choose to stay with their little monsters are about as loving and unselfish as can be. Anyone can parent a sweet child. Those who have had successful adoptions are truly lucky, I am envious. In my humble opinion, there is no way to know at first if the child you adopt is going to be attached, moderately attached or severely unattached. A lack of eye contact or any rigidity in the initial contact with the child will be a red flag. This article, I believe is just to inform you how bad it can get and what to be prepared for, although no-one can be totally prepared for the horrors, yes horrors, of raising a severely unattached child. It will change your life forever. Just be aware of that fact when considering adoption. No adoption agency will tell you of the horrors, and most of us go into adoption with stars in our eyes thinking that love will change them. I just want to say that I am happy for those who have had successful adoptions, but the other side needs to be heard also.

2 likes, 0 dislikes
Posted by Diane Miller on 05/19/2008 at 8:03 AM

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