Detachment Theory 

How to break up with an escort

What is the etiquette for breaking up with an escort you've been seeing regularly? A little background: I'm married and have been seeing an escort for the past three years about twice a month. The sex is amazing. We've developed a friendship and get along very well. The issue is that I've gotten emotionally attached. I constantly think of her and she's always on my mind. It's negatively affected my marriage and I need to break it off. I don't want to hurt her as I have genuine affection but I need to stop seeing her. Do I send a note with an explanation? Or do I ghost and stop sending her text messages? I'm the one who initiates contact. She never reaches out to me first. Thanks for your advice.

—It's Me Not You

Don't thank me, IMNY, thank all the nice sex workers and sex workers' rights advocates who were kind enough to share their thoughts after I tweeted out your question and asked #SexWorkTwitter to weigh in. The general consensus was for you to send a brief note letting this woman know you won't be booking her again. A short selection from the responses...

Kalee D. (@GoddessKaleeLA): "I've had this happen a few times before and the couple that wrote me a note with honesty were so deeply appreciated. The others, I always wondered what I did wrong or if they died in some freak accident."

Maya Midnight (@MsMayaMidnight): "I'd be worried if a longtime regular disappeared during a pandemic! Send a quick text or email saying you're taking a break but you've enjoyed your time together. No need for more detail about why. A parting gift would be a nice gesture."

SoftSandalwood (@SoftSandalwood): "Pro Domme here. Definitely let her know what's going on, so she doesn't wonder if you're OK, if she did something wrong, etc. It's the job of a pro to understand and respect boundaries. Thanks for a thoughtful question."

Daddy Lance (@LanceNavarro): "Agreed 100%. The majority of us are deeply empathetic and prefer closure over mystery."

A final thought from me: sex workers value trustworthy regular clients and FOSTA/SESTA and the coronavirus pandemic have made it incredibly difficult for sex workers to find new regular clients. Sending this woman a generous final tip—perhaps the price of a session, if you can swing it—would soften the blow of losing you as a regular client and would tide her over until she can replace you.

Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage. Listen to the Savage Lovecast every Tuesday at www.savagelovecast.com: This week with the Kinsey Institute's Dr. Justin Lehmiller.

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