Clair's Poetry Slam 

The year's worst records dealt poetic justice.

The snow falls quickly on the white cedars. A stream runs from the mountain to the sea. Fieldy put out a solo album. Here are the worst records of the year, in haiku.

Paul Westerberg

I sit alone, drab
My four-track at the beckon
Oops, I pushed "record"

The Donnas
Spend the Night

Oh, we so horny
Which five years ere was great
Now we are Mrs. Roper

American Idol
Greatest Moments

Justin? He was robbed
EJ, AJ, and RJ
The dream is ov-ah

Kelly Osbourne
Shut Up

I, nepotism
But fuck those fucking fuckers
Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck!

Cato Salsa Experience
A Good Tip for a Good Time
(Emperor Norton)

In Oslo, night falls
An elk pauses at a fjord
This is bad garage


The producer said
"Give me beaucoup Latin spice!"
Hence, Spice World reborn

Highly Evolved

"G'day mates," they said
And gave the press a boner
But Hives they are not

Jennifer Love Hewitt

Hey, nice rack, fun buns
Your record really sucks shit
But very nice boobs

Rod Stewart
It Had to Be You: The Great American Songbook

The question is not
Do you think I am sexy?
It's why why why why?

Public Enemy

At last it happened
Hip-hop has become like rock:
Artists who've lost it

"You Know You're Right"

A message in wind:
"Should have listened to Courtney..."
She of plastic speaks truth

Tommy Lee
Never a Dull Moment

His best asset? Voice
Second only to his mind
Sarcasm tastes so sweet


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