Bad Table 

Where waiters and diners tell tales.

Beaks and Feet

At my suggestion, my lunchmate ordered what sounded like a lovely chicken/pineapple/onion-over-rice dish. The din of the lunchtime crowd dimmed as the waitress unveiled a steaming pot of vivisection stew. Dr. Moreau himself would have been hard-pressed to define this fowl concoction. Was it chicken? Was it tripe? Was it even dead? Chicken lips and snake hips converged and commingled. Joints and gristle poked up from the pungent broth like Nessie's humps in that famous Scottish loch. Pineapple chunks were thrown asunder in the madness of the battlefield -- sweet innocents in the wrong place at the wrong time. My friend, eyes grown large, face slowly morphing from inelegant surprise to a more greenish countenance of dread, simply said, "Oh my." The waiter graciously replaced the dish with another of her choosing when it became clear that this was one cross-cultural connection that was going to be missed. Call me fickle, but I just don't want to see beaks and feet in my food. I know "parts is parts," but damn it, I don't want my lunch sneering at me with an amalgam of digits, limbs, and lips. I guess my friend gets to pick the restaurant next time.


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Anonymous and pseudonymous comments will be removed.

Latest in Bad Table

  • It's Organic

    Where waiters and diners tell tales.
    • Jul 13, 2005
  • Hold the Cheese

    Where waiters and diners tell tales.
    • Jul 6, 2005
  • Swept Away

    Where waiters and diners tell tales.
    • Jun 15, 2005
  • More »

Most Popular Stories

Food & Drink Blogs

Food & Drink -

Alameda County's New Pop-Up Program

Food & Drink -

Brown Signs Controversial Law on Charitable Food

Food & Drink -

Navajo Tacos in Oakland

Food & Drink -

Benchmark Pizzeria Opens in Old Oakland

Food & Drink -

Investing in West Oakland

More from the Blogs

Special Reports

Fall Arts 2018

Our Picks for the Best Events of the Fall Arts Season

The Queer & Trans Issue 2018

Stories about creating safe spaces in the Queer and Trans community.

© 2018 East Bay Express    All Rights Reserved
Powered by Foundation