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Re: “Oakland Counseling Guru Accused of Sexual Assault

In response to those who wrote after Grace, i found this on a website:

"False accusations run rampant in California sex crime cases. This is nowhere more obvious than by looking at the numerous innocent individuals whose false charges have been dismissed thanks to DNA evidence. Many of these individuals have been freed from prison after being wrongly convicted of rape based on false accusations and shoddy police work. It's my job to make sure that my client's unjust charges are dismissed from the start."

Beyound that, if someone gets invited to a sex party with drugs, they do not have to go. No one is holding them hostage and people can read up on LSD effects. No one can claim ignorance.

That we blame leaders for influencing us is part of the problem in this world, as is blaming the system and filing lawsuits that keep people afraid of taking risks to get close to others and mentor them or help them to recover from losses in their lives. More regulations against touching rob us all of the affection we need to thrive as human beings.

We do not need more regulations. We need more access to resources both externally and internally and more playfulness and openness to new experiences and empathy towards people who disagree with us.

What I also find interesting here is the article depicting Steve as a spiritual guru. Like many people he has his own way of making sense of the world and creating meaning, but Steve I know was not a person to spiritualize anything nor would he want anyone to follow blindly.

It is my own feeling that there something amiss with this whole thing. No doubt the hype of the #metoo campaign is interfering with objectivity and women want someone to pay for all their hurts even if it is the wrong guy.

Posted by Fey Dust on 12/18/2017 at 12:56 AM

Re: “Tenants Win Big Fraud Case Against Landlord

Unfortunately, in Texas, which is a Landlord State, is the worst for tenants. I live in San Antonio, aka, little Mexico....which is what landlords / scumlords, like, they can abuse the tenant with little or no recourse. I was illegally evicted for in good faith contacting HUD. Never late with my rent or any lease violations. I was discriminated, harassed, and retaliated against not only by management, but by HUD as well, who contacted the management before contacting me, which started the retaliation. I was physically assaulted as well. I was given 3 days to vacate which is a violation of HUD's lease and Texas Property Codes. The Courts didn't care and ruled in favor of the Plainitiffs, who apparently colluded with the Judges. Since the Plaintiffs had no case against me, they based their whole case on perjury....which I took to Gov. investigators to investigate and hopefully prosecute. HUD is just as much at fault for contacting the Respondents / Plaintiffs in advance of me, in addition to having only Hispanic Fair Housing investigators who voiced his distain for Anglos and a bias for the Respondents / Plaintiffs because they are Hispanic. I'm not able to find a tenant atty...they're for landlords. The few organizations for legal aid are so backed logged, it's impossible to get any help. If any attorney is reading this and knows of an Attorney in Texas that would be willing to help....please have them leave a post with name, phone #. There is money to be had: Appeal due to Fraud (Perjury); Landlord Harassment (approx. 11 incidences including the eviction and assault); Retaliatory Eviction; Motion for Sanctions; Elder Abuse. Thank you!!

Posted by Artefact on 12/17/2017 at 12:18 PM

Re: “Plan to Ship Coal Through Oakland Was Years in the Making

How are Phil Tagami, former Port of Oakland Commissioner, Jerry Bridges former Port of Oakland Executive Director, and Omar "strip club" Benjamin former Port of Oakland Executive Director all involved in raking in the money developing at the Port of Oakland? Did they set themselves up while in their positions at the Port? Maybe the City of Oakland can look into setting up some kind of time limit before former Commissioners and Exec. Directors and such can get involved in such developments at the Port. How about 15 years? May save them money in lawsuits in the future.

Posted by Jean Parks on 12/17/2017 at 11:54 AM

Re: “Why Derick Almena Deserves the Most Scorn

This article is spot on. I can't understand how some people see otherwise. This greedy manipulator narcissist was the antipathy of someone supportive of the art community. In fact this creep almost singlehandedly destroyed the work/live options for artists thruout the country with his arrogant disinterest in the safety and well being of his sub tenants and music performance attendants. I hope he does serious time when this is resolved.

Posted by kevin carr1 on 12/17/2017 at 11:22 AM

Re: “Why Does He Watch Porn?

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Posted by Jessica Cook on 12/17/2017 at 12:22 AM

Re: “Why Does He Watch Porn?

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Posted by Osariemen Ogie on 12/17/2017 at 12:11 AM

Re: “Viral Conspiracy Theory of the Day: Dr. Dre Started Burning Man?

yeahhh baby damn right

Posted by ndb on 12/16/2017 at 6:41 PM

Re: “Developer Stiffs City on Permits for West Oakland Condo Project

Everyone should pay their fair share, even developers. How does one "mistakenly" attach a San Francisco permit? Really. In this case, developer is a four letter word.

Posted by C. Leonard on 12/16/2017 at 1:40 PM

Re: “Oakland Museum of California Explores Food System in New Exhibit Take Root

Way to go Oakland Museum and food justice Community. Cant wait to see it.

Posted by Marilyn Borchardt on 12/16/2017 at 7:48 AM

Re: “The Boyfriend Experience

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Re: “Why Does He Watch Porn?

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Posted by kimberly villagomez on 12/16/2017 at 5:34 AM

Re: “Oakland Counseling Guru Accused of Sexual Assault

Hi all, just jumped into the post from the UK. I am a qualified (bacp & cosrt) practicing psychosexual and couples counsellor. Therapy here is not 'hands on' and not meds based, I and my colleagues have to have professional supervision, which entails presenting my clients, and my feelings, actions and thoughts towards a client... thus aiding to separate the erotic transference AND counter- tranference (my erotic feelings towards a client).

I am not trying to explain away the horrendous abuse of trust and sexual exploitation towards this practitioners clients but I would like to inform you.

If you add transferences with a personality disorders, let's say: Narcissistic personality disorder (I am God.) You have a recipe for the appalling violations that are being reported. There is a reason that predators select a few, of many people, and that is as we all have different levels of 'desire'...which can feel overwhelming with some clients ( due to the counter-transferenCE).

Though the current spitlight is focused on males in society, my experiences having worked in a specialist charity here in the u.k (whose client base is solely men who had been recipients of unwanted sexual experiences)... Is that approximately 40% of predators here in the United.K. are women, who are nearly always in a position of power , and men are far less likely to come forward (statistically) when women have been the predators.

I am sad to read of the distress placed on our communities and social fabric with these appalling allegations. If proved, you have to ask yourself 'why', and what checks and balances need to be put in place to prevent it happening again.

As a therapist I have to resist and be able to work with the tranferences between myself and clients as it informs the therapy on the unconscious then into the conscious level. The healing comes with naming what's happening and neither rejecting nor acting out with the client. The client has to experience me as a 'good' male object that can be trusted. I may be the only 'good' male role model that they have ever experienced and here is where the new template of trust is born.

Posted by tri-therapy on 12/16/2017 at 4:11 AM

Re: “Pending Eviction of Former Black Panther Aunti Frances Highlights Just-Cause 'Loophole'

Sounds like what the new property owner is doing is legal. Whether or not it is ethical depends on your perspective. But keep in mind that if she really did pay over $700k, she has high overhead and may not be able to afford to be a mini-welfare state for her renter. The cost of housing is very high. Oakland's property taxes took a jump this year thanks to Measure JJ and others - 5.!% in the case of my dad's house; and EBMUD just raised their rates almost 10% and will raise again next year. Compare that to the annual allowable rent raise which rose this year to a generous 2.3%. Housing is expensive and someone has to pay one way or another.

Posted by Ilona Clark on 12/15/2017 at 7:26 PM

Re: “Dan Savage The Sports Writer Comes Off the Bench for Dan Savage the Sex Columnist

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Posted by odia on 12/15/2017 at 5:19 PM

Re: “Oakland Counseling Guru Accused of Sexual Assault

As a psychologist and evaluator of sexually violent predators statewide, I want to start by pointing out that when multiple victims tell nearly identical stories related to crimes they suffered at the hands of one person, psychological probability is significantly increased. That said, Mr. Bearman will have his day in court if his attorney believes that the myriad of victims and witnesses that will testify will not be credible to a jury. Undoubtedly, he will have a parade of witnesses that will tell the jury what a great guy he is.

On the surface, and based strictly upon victim accounts to the newspaper, Mr. Bearman is a sexually violent predator, plain and simple. He is the type of person that would likely be confined to a state hospital after he serves his prison sentence. Crucially, this does not mean that he is only a predator. Hundreds of the men that I evaluate in the state hospital have many redeeming qualities, have loved ones who want their release, people who can't believe they did what they are accused of, have contributed to society in positive ways, etc. and they repeatedly raped people or molested children.

In coming to the conclusion above, I want to emphasize that Mr. Bearman's behavior was not simply the transgression of therapist/patient boundaries. Unfortunately, that happens all too often and when it is uncovered, usually results in a person having their license taken away if they are a member of a licensing board. In recent years, the head of the SF Psychoanalytic Institute has his license taken away from the AMA after it was determined he had sex with a patient. Obviously, manipulation and seduction of a patient is wrong in every instance. However, it is not strictly illegal unless the patient is a minor. Giving a person drugs and then having sex with them against their will is not simply mental manipulation and boundary violation- it is a crime and is behavior that rises to a completely different level. The defense that it happened in drug infested situations that were highly sexualized be design is about as persuasive as the many men who claim that they didn't actually rape a prostitute because there were drugs involved and ultimately their behavior was the result of a disagreement about the financial arrangement.

Ultimately, if we are to believe the victims (which I do and unless there is something very unique about this case, more will come forward in the days to come), Mr. Bearman perpetrated paraphilic acts based upon a sexual arousal to coercive sexual contact. By all accounts, he had access to consenting partners throughout the time that he committed these crimes. There was something compelling about this type of sex for him and it cannot be written off as sexual addiction. The world is replete with sex addicts who satisfy their addiction through pornography, masturbation, prostitutes, multiple consenting partners, etc. When people suffer with underlying paraphilic disorders, their chance of repeating these behaviors and creating more victims goes up significantly. In summary, I am sure Mr. Bearman was a nice man to many, helped many others, and even contributed to the discussion of male sexuality in a meaningful way. None of this negates the fact that he is also a sexual predator and is likely to continue to be one until he receives sex offender treatment which, hopefully, he will get after he serves a lengthy prison sentence.

Posted by Forensic Psychologist on 12/15/2017 at 12:41 PM

Re: “Oakland Counseling Guru Accused of Sexual Assault

"Everybody involved in counseling or psychology knows about the dangers of transference." - Yes, but this guy was not a professional counselor, or psychologist, or MFT. He got a non-clinical degree which did not include training in psychotherapy, and practiced without a license, in defiance of state law. But by labeling himself a "coach," he, like many other shady people (I'm looking at you, "Somatica,") could use the massive loophole that allows people to do unlicensed, unregulated, and unethical "psychotherapy" that both harms their clients and stains the reputation of legitimate mental health practitioners.

Psychotherapy NEVER includes sex. Ethical, professional psychotherapy ALWAYS includes informed consent, respect for boundaries, and the prioritizing of clients' well-being. This was not a "counseling" school and he was not a counselor - Licensed Professional Clinical Counseling is a recognized profession in California and across the US, equivalent to being an LMFT or licensed Psychologist or Clinical Social Worker. The state has got to start enforcing its own laws, and close the "coach" loophole that creeps like this use to exploit people who credulously thing that "non-traditional" or "outside the establishment" equals "better," when what it really means is "watch your wallet and your back because no one else will."

Posted by Cygna on 12/15/2017 at 12:34 PM

Re: “Pending Eviction of Former Black Panther Aunti Frances Highlights Just-Cause 'Loophole'

Why would protesting in front of a bakeshop who employs a landlord make sense? Jennifer the owner of sweet Adelines is a pillar of the south Berkeley community

Posted by Jeff Diamond on 12/15/2017 at 12:19 PM

Re: “Oakland Counseling Guru Accused of Sexual Assault

There should never be sex between therapist and client, and not between supervisor and intern/student. Period. Very clear line. Because there is an inherent power differential in those relationships.

Both student/intern and client depend and rely on the therapist/supervisor to know better, as the professional and teacher. If the person who is supposed to know better doesn't know to respect the boundaries, how can you expect those asking assistance for it will know where those boundaries may be?

I am a therapist. I will never ever, ever have sex or even friendships with my clients. I may hang out with my interns but will never ever cross the line to intimacy.

It's not because I'm not open or liberal minded or sex positive. I've worked with many who live alternative lifestyles with their sexuality and understand everyone has a right to prescribe their own comfort level and how they relate to their bodies. But I will never ever cross that line because then it's not about them anymore once I've become involved. And as clients or interns/students, it should be about them when the therapist is working with them.

What this guy did is absolutely wrong, especially because he did this with a vulnerable group of people. People trusted him. He should never take that lightly and abuse it. There is no "I didn't know". As an ethical professional, it is his duty to check and consult before ever proceeding with any interventions to make sure it not only helps but also does not harm to the other parties. I'm appalled by what he did and saddened for those who had to experience it all.

Posted by Su Su Maung, LMFT on 12/15/2017 at 10:18 AM

Re: “Oakland Counseling Guru Accused of Sexual Assault

Grace,
You say "false rape claims are not uncommon." No, they ARE uncommon. Acc to Stanford University and the FBI:
"Only about 2% of all rape and related sex charges are determined to be false, the same percentage as for other felonies (FBI). So while they do happen, and they are very problematic when they do, people dismiss rape allegations as false far more frequently than they are and far more frequently than for other crimes. Put another way, we are much more likely to disbelieve a woman if she says she was raped than if she says she was robbed, but for no good reason."
No good reason - what are your bad reasons here?

Posted by Chris Perrius on 12/15/2017 at 6:45 AM

Re: “Dan Savage: Sexuality and the Neurodiverse

What led you to conclude that the couple is not worried about new boyfriend ruining their wedding?

Ruin is in the eyes of the beholder. BRIDE and her fianc may know the limit of bad behavior that would be non-ruining, but do they really know the new, immature boyfriend well enough that they aren't worried that he will exceed that limit?

Au contraire, if just the thought of Best Man having to endure new boyfriend's drama causes the couple enough discomfort that they are seeking avoidance, wouldn't witnessing it first-hand be likely to cause much more discomfortenough to ruin the wedding?

Seeking avoidance on Best Man's behalf may just be a way to avoid telling Best Man that they think his new boyfriend will ruin the wedding. Also, Best Man becomes the scapegoat when things go awry.

Posted by Pete Pereira on 12/15/2017 at 4:20 AM

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