.Cerebellum Soufflé

David P. Murphy has advice for the recently bitten.

Okay, so you’ve been bitten by one of the living dead. Within the
first ten hours, you sweat like a pig and your tongue turns blue. Over
the next day or so, your temperature soars and your knuckles swell as
your skin breaks out in itchy rashes. Muscle spasms ensue. What’s a
soon-to-be-zombie to do?

Face facts and move on — albeit shamblingly, while spurting
pus, according to David P. Murphy in his new handbook Zombies
for Zombies: Advice and Etiquette for the Living Dead
, which he’ll
discuss at A Great Good Place for Books (6120 La Salle Ave.,
Oakland) on Saturday, October 10. A spoof of the … for Dummies
series, Zombies for Zombies explains how to be a zombie
(because, hey, you’ve got no choice) while retaining a semblance of
style. The book, which is Murphy’s first, includes fashion tips, brain
recipes, fitness techniques, and a skin-care regimen. Exfoliation,
after all, takes on a whole new meaning as your epidermis rots.

“I have always loved sci-fi and especially cheap sci-fi movies
— but I’ll gladly take a great big-budget sci-fi film, too,”
says the Nebraska-based author, who came up with the book’s title long
before he decided exactly what to do with it. As a longtime songwriter
whose prairie-pop CDs include Effortless and Shining in a
Temporary Sun
, and whose co-lyricist and agent is the
Berkeley-based novelist Laurie Fox, Murphy remembers: “I believed I had
a good ‘hook’ with the title. I wanted to do something that addressed
the needs of the recently bitten and it eventually morphed into an
opportunity to make fun of the government, to satirize the world in
general and our occasional tacky capitalist approach to this life.” And
it arrives just before Halloween in an era during which the undead have
become iconic figures, as popular culture reels over the idea of
“someone ‘turning’ so quickly after being bitten.”

The book begins with a bit of history, including zombies’ role in
Haitian folklore. Voodoo practitioners, Murphy writes, were believed
capable of reanimating the dead: “Chiefly used for slave labor by the
Haitians, they were also exploited by being forced to perform in
embarrassing skits staged for rich white guys. … Little-known fact:
It was zombies who were largely responsible for building the early
Caribbean railway system, dozens of sugar factories, and a bitchin’
water park outside of Les Cayes. I hope one day they get the credit
they deserve.”

One would suggest taking such lessons with a grain of salt, but
anyone who knows anything about Haitian zombies knows that they’re
forbidden to eat salt.

Researching the book, which addresses its putative already-bitten
readers as “Transitioneers,” entailed much consultation of the
Internet, “because it is the most reliable information source
ever known to man,” and watching zombie flicks. Realizing “just how
many awful zombie movies are out there surprised and delighted me. One
in particular, King of the Zombies — wow, just horrid and
racist to boot: a complete lack of brains,” Murphy muses. See, these
jokes just write themselves. 7 p.m. GreatGoodPlace.indiebound.com

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