I wonder how annoyed my students might be if they knew that for the seven years I've taught college English in Oakland and San Francisco, I was keeping a logbook of their gaffes and foibles. If any former students are reading this -- sorry, guys! But hey, everybody makes mistakes. The following literary bloopers come verbatim from my classes in literature, composition, business writing, and English as a second language.
An A for Effort
As usual, it was a conflict between the states and the feral government.
We are one nation under God, according to our four fathers.
My new car looked great, but it made an offal sound.
An American boy was canned in Singapore.
I wonder what it was like when the universe began with a big boom.
There's nothing I love better than a midnight snake.
I hope the seeds of peace will spray all over the world.
As a young child, I was an odd ball.
I need to increase my self-steam.
Sometimes I worry that my daughter will turn into a drug attic.
I think that the government is washing people's brains.
I sprang my wrist.
My mother is finally eating the fruits of her labor.
I had to pea so badly!
I had to learn about my girlfriend in butts and pieces.
I insist that my children will Finnish high school.
I plan to recruit a Tudor to help me with my writing.
I will try to curve my bad habits.
Children tend to believe that the world is an oyster.
Men are expected to grab the bull by the horns and kiss her.
It's a morality of "eye for an eye, ear for an ear."
This is a movie that will really blow your mind up.
Riddles can make us think beyond a box.
This will not become a problem if we nip it in the mud.
As FDR said, we have nothing to fear but ourselves.
Big companies don't care if their TV commercials are exploding little girls!
Many cultures around the world regard the face as an important body part.
Now that Chinese people could afford it, the VCR became a hot cake.
Most people want to maintain the starter's quo.
Poe was a cleaver writer.
Good teachers pay a tension to our students ... they can help the students stay interesting in school.
Everyone loves sex, just as poets do.
My uncle made us children laugh with his facial jesters.
The world must vanish racism!
Men and women are involved in a battle of the sexies.
There was a police officer correcting the traffic.
This restaurant served a wild variety of seafood.
The owner of that restaurant is a roll model.
The Civil War greatly affected Emily Dickinson's cannon.
The writer has quite a formattible argument.
There were many American shows on TV, but I had to work, so this was a mute point.
For most arranged marriages, the selected groom will be a goon match for the bride.
The Greeks wanted women only for breading purposes.
Black people were portrayed as lustful and glutinous.
Children are increasingly wild and weird.
Titania had love for Bottom's ass.
Midsummer Night's Dream is a lightheaded comedy.
Richard Wright wanted to be a wrighter.
Richard Wright's hatred towards his father is unbelievable and unexplainable but understandable.
Richard Wright was the valid Victorian of his class.
Walt Whitman's subjects range from spiders to sex to New York.
Emily Dickinson had an unspeakable romance.
Being a woman, Emily Dickinson was inundated with men.
H.L. Mencken is very self-riotous.
Dickinson writes about life as a dead person.
Edgar Allan Poe writes about the spiritual and financial worlds.
The writer threw in a hidden massage.
Saddam Hussein is a treat to our nation.
With so much pressure on us these days, every student needs to clam before a test.
Emily Dickinson's poetry can be summed up in one word: bazaar!
It was as if I had a guardian angle!
This will really help society as a hole.
I give this movie "two thumps up!"
Saddam Hussein might be building unclear bombs!
I'd better clam down!
These days, women are all expected to be slime.
Most large corporations have a chief excessive officer.
Chelsea Clinton is Bill Clinton's doubter.
The world's favorite soft drink is Cock Cola.
Daniel crushed me to him like a mother gorilla protecting her child.
Words without pictures are like birds without cages.
I opened my eyes and rose from bed like a little chicken looking for her mother.
The old ladies were staring into space like robots on a secret mission.
His car was loose and sloppy like eggs over easy when you cut into them.
Questions and insecurities jabbed at my helpless flesh.
We announced our wish to be married before God over a microphone.
The music is so happy that it is basically impossible to keep your toes from jumping, your head from swinging, and an ear-to-ear grin all over your face.
He had a look on his face that could only come from someone who had just laughed his ass off.
Childhood is an incredibly important period in the life of a developing child.
One important character in Richard Wright's autobiography is none other than Richard Wright himself.
Midsummer Night's Dream is an imaginary world that Shakespeare imagines.
Shelley writes about his personal ideas from his own conscious mental perspective.
This autobiography was written by the author and about the author.
Decisions decide everything.
It's thought-provoking and it makes us think.
Our manager managed with a level-headed head.
The writer supports his reasons with many good reasons.
Many poets enjoy writing about life.
Thai food originated in Thailand.
We should never jump into the fire without a frying pan.
All that glitters is not worth its weight in gold.
Unlike most adults, children are imaginary.
Even the holidays are sad when you are laminating over a lost love.
In America, everyone loves movie stars and high-class socialists.
Most cultures have a time when everyone gathers together to eat a freshly slaughtered cow.
Literature will live on in the past, presence, and future.
A good waitress will constantly replenish your fluids.
In China, a wedding planner is a commodity, not a calamity.
To be free from the monkey of the world on your back is to lose a load of bananas.
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