Our Favorite Letters of 2009 

Readers comment on Uncle Sam, boobs, Big Foot, and blankets with sleeves.

Page 3 of 7

Chapter two: Chloe's Surprise

"What kind of cat are you and do you bite scratch claw, screech or be

Mean in anyway?" Chloe said no and cue said yes with a loving howl. "Chloe, do you know where the next town is?" Cue asked in a deep voice like dark Vader "No I do not" said Chloe like princess Lea in a high girl voice. What they did was go to the picture place witch Cue wanted a day off

Of and now he had it and he wanted to give it up for Chloe since she's still a Kitten that had never had a home. Here are the picks.

Days past, and cue's owner forgot all about him and stayed longer on her vacation. for many days past and you would wonder what do they eat and I am going to tell you now, they always would pass a bakery with tarts and other things like that, and the baker always think there so cute that he would give them many pastries so they wouldn't starve. One day the baker was out of pastries so the baker gave him a bowl of clam chowder, and gave Chloe some warm milk with little flakes of cereal, the baker had cereal because he lived at his Shoppe! Soon the too were walking down the street and somebody thought they were so cute so they picked them up, and took them home!

Chapter three: the huge great disaster of a mess in a home.

Soon Cue and Chloe got to the home it was a disaster and you could even imagine the amount of pets that have died by entering the home! When Cue saw an open door he grabbed Chloe by the neck and ran! The nearest thing that they could reach was a nearby train station so cue ran on found a spot and fell asleep with Chloe! The next thing they new was they were in

Porto Rico! Cue thought from Arizona to Porto Rico, wow we were asleep for a long time. Cue walked out of the train station seeing many pets and there owners. Cue was felling sad, and so was Chloe. Soon they heard a familiar voice saying something. They walked towards it and soon they discovered cue's owner was right there, and she also took Chloe too and this comes to the end of a happy new life of Chloe and the great life of Cue!


Not-So-Healthy Oakland

This is a true story. I wrote this letter instead of breaking a window. I have really improved on my anger issues. Yoga.

Dear Pastor Lanksford.

Today, as I was bicycling on my way home from two hours of volunteer work with a non profit arts group working with the handicapped.I was nearly run over by a Grey van, running a red light, driven by a Healthy Oakland worker. This occurred at the intersection of West Grand and San Pablo, at approximately 12:30 pm. I shouted "hey" to the driver who proceeded to slow down enough to give me a one fingered salute. Being filled with the bliss and love for my fellow man, I decided to ride up and inform this kind caring soul in a 4 ton motorized vehicle that he almost killed a bicyclist in his hurry. When I arrived close to his window and told him that he had just ran a red light and he should possibly slow down. He told me that I was not the police and I should "not worry about him".

This is very disturbing. I work hard at improving Oakland, on many different levels. I have lived her nearly fifteen years, and have never encountered such brazen disrespect for a fellow human being. I have nothing but pity and compassion for this man. After realizing that he is just an angry little boy, trapped in a mans body I decided to go on about my way. As I turned away he proceeded to call me A "F**ing Dipsh*t"....This is amazing. If this is the type of people you have representing "Healthy Oakland" we are indeed a long ways away from making this a world class city of peace. It is God's way not ours on this earth. When it is my time to go I accept. I would prefer it not to be under the wheels of a van.

Thank You very much and God Bless Oakland,

Kevin Saunders, Oakland

A citizen for a better community.


To be angry is to let others punish you.

To forgive others is to be good to yourself.

master Cheng Yen.

How to Profile a Latent Homosexual

As a convicted female internal toilet and stalker, I have found that many men enjoy women who appear to look like boys. Perhaps it is because I am 5"4', with a slim body, virually no hips and small breasts. By no means am I a feminine woman and, in fact, may appear to be an effeminate male. I am rugged, an extremely oppressed multi-tasker, and now need to be outdoors in decent weather. Men seem to be sexually attracted to me and insist that I am one of their "buddies" for the purpose of arousing or gratifying their sexual fantasies and desires.

On the other hand, men, including law enforcement, enjoy spewing women'sclothing all over the state perhaps to indicate, "a conquest"? For instance, when state and federal judges declared her an enemy combatant, (because she doesn't want to service American men) they authorized other seizure violations without regard to the Fourth Amendment.


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