Our Favorite Letters of 2009 

Readers comment on Uncle Sam, boobs, Big Foot, and blankets with sleeves.

Editor's Note

Each year we compile some of the memorable letters, phone calls, and press releases we received during the prior twelve months. In the interest of verisimilitude, all spelling, punctuation, and grammar are the writers' own.

Boobs on the Brain

Booooo for the booby brained

Nicolo Basile

No More Headlights

It's a secret that's often airbrushed away in wedding photos, but the memory can live on in the minds of bridal party members for years to come. It's more than a wardrobe malfunction, it's the dreaded 'headlights' or nipple protrusion. And it's more common than imagined.

"With so many air-conditioned rooms, women wearing sleek bridal wear are seeing more than just wedding cake. They are seeing they outline of their nipples through their dresses," says Anne Zuckerman, owner of Edith's Inc. "This is not they way most brides — and their bridal party — want to stand out on such an important day as a wedding."

Zuckerman created Bezi Bra Discs to eliminate embarrassing moments by preventing nipple visibility. Designed and patented by an engineer the skin tone discs are fabricated using top quality non-latex material. Using a technologically advanced manufacturing procedure, Bezi Bra Discs can be worn with most bras.

"So many women make a major investment in their wedding dress, but they forget there's so much more than the actual dress. Undergarments, including Bezi Bra Discs, are just as essential as the dress itself," says Zuckerman.

The discs are available in fine lingerie and bridal stores across the United States, as well as hundreds of stores online. For a store locator, visit http://www.EdithsInc.com.

Anonymous

Wat It Do

a i got all ur cds my pops handed them down

Samuel Lopez, Modesto

Occurrence of Intrigue

Recently, I was chewing a piece of gum from a popular and well known brand. To my surprise, I discovered two shards of metal, or what appear to be and feel like foil, stuck in the gum. Foreign objects of this type seem like extremely unlikely candidates to find in gum and I'm quite curious of your thoughts on this?

I have spoken with the company already and we're discussing the matter but I'm interested in outside opinion. Please get back to me on recommendations or perhaps your own interest.

Thank you,

Sean

Over Population

Dear Mr. Buel, the United States had an increase of 13 Million people from 2004 to 2009. That's only 5 years. In 25 years that will be 65 Million people. In 50 years that will be 130 Million people. In 100 years that will be 260 Million people. In 500 years that will be 1 Billion 300 Million people. Add that to the 300 Million people we already have and you end up with a grand total of 1 Billion 600 Million people in the United States by the year 2509. Does the word "CANNIBALISM" mean anything? Save your future generations from a miserable and horrible end. Stop creating and if you have children tell them when they grow up not to create. I am 100% sure your future generations will appreciate not being left behind to face that situation. Spread this message to the entire world.

Jesus Christ, Havre de Grace, Maryland

A Meteor Strike May Have Set Off the Earth Tone Tuning Fork in Downtown Berkeley

I called the editorial number yesterday and I believe I spoke to you.

Yesterday, on the 19th, I witnessed the 40' tall Earth Song Tuning Fork in the middle of Downtown Berkeley resonate for over two hours. I had gotten there at 4:30 PM, and it was moving when, (and most likely before), before I had arrived.  There was not a gust of wind and nothing else could have manipulated it. It was moving as though it was producing a tone. For those two hours I would return to peer at the fork every so often. In all the years I've seen it, I've never seen it resonate with such force and consistency.

According to the plaque underneath the monument,

"Our Earth, as a spheroid in space, rings like a bell whenever it is impacted by a meteor, earthquake, or underground nuclear test. After the initial impact, a simple hum persists. On a seismogram, it shows the initial complex wave pattern of the impact settles into a standing wave pattern of the free oscillation of the Earth itself. In musical term, this is the tonal center of our Earth."

I did my own research and found that there had been a meteor shower followed by large strike the day before in Utah on the 18th. This link will show it to you:

youtube.com/watch?v=sHkH7ZyfkuU

It could be that the force of that meteor was so powerful that it caused a hum in the fork for the entirety of the following day.

That is what I speculate, but perhaps you could come up with a better conclusion.

Thanks for your time.

Vince Lucchesi

Theft From Charity/Clinton Related

I am sending one last mail to the smaller papers in the hope than an editor may know dirty words like ethics or morality.

An evil woman by the name of Elizabeth Gracen stole millions from myself and charity and left me to die on the streets of Paris.

Gracen first screwed Bill Clinton to obtain a Miss Arkansas crown in the early 80,s that is well documented elsewhere.

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