They say that behind every great bar is an exceptional bartender, and the legendary Club Mallard proves the point. The man is Tej, a mixologist with a repertoire vast, varied, and tailored specifically to your needs. He'll greet you with a smile and a glint in his eye that makes you wonder how anyone could really be that happy. "I love people," he says, "and that's why this is the easiest and best job in the world." Name your poison -- sweet, tart, sour? He can turn a Malibu drinker into a connoisseur of rum or conjure up something unique like his own personal Albany Confidential. He also invented a concoction known as the Dumb Bunny -- named by an intoxicated female patron -- by combining Absolut Currant, fresh lemon, and collins mix. Tej claims he's "a total cheeseball," but this charming and affable gent has rules: "Always tip at least one dollar"; "If you are angry, go home"; and "If the bartender is crappy, leave." A girl at the bar reportedly once paid him $40 just to whisper in her ear, "Take off your panties and hand them to me." How's that for service?