Unfortunately for the leader of the free world, a combination of prudence and zoning laws eradicated strip clubs from the East Bay long ago -- thats assuming Bush is straight. Out here, weve learned to take nothing for granted when it comes to preferences, so for this part of the argument, lets agree the First Lady is not a beard.
For starters, the presidential motorcade might head south on San Pablo Avenue past MacArthur, where hed most likely ask his driver to slow down around 22nd Street, the thick of the track. Its also near one of the citys Hollywood Adult Superstore locations, where perhaps hed rent Legal at Last #2, a DVD starring Richmonds own Genevieve Silva, the porn starlet made famous after she was charged with having sex with a fifteen-year-old boy last year.
If Bush still couldnt score, but was insistent on catching a live performance -- you know how those fratboys can get -- he could head further east on Highway 24 to Walnut Creek, where he might see a lingerie show at Masses Billiards, Sports Bar and Grill (2721 N Main St., 925-256-7665). Or if he craved that hole-in-the-wall dive-bar atmosphere, hed head south to Haywards AJs (24744 Mission Blvd., 510-733-5282), where well-perfumed bikini dancers cluck around in high heels.
If all of that failed to cure Georgies lust for women, perhaps Bush would admit he made a mistake earlier in the evening, a character trait he is well known for. His first redemptive call might go to Oaklands Men of Exotica, the self-described Bay Areas Supreme Team of Exotic Male Stipppers/Entertainers! (510-663-6503). If they were unavailable, the prez might consider a trip to Berkeleys Aquatic Park, where hed park his limo along the rim of the lagoon. Wait for the knock on the window, George. It means only one thing. -- Justin Berton