Letters for the year of 2002 

Of bricks and Satan, stolen DNA and poetic protest, Nazis, Mussolini, arch conspiracies, women in heat, and Chris Thompson's soul.

Letters We Censored
For our Year in Review issue, we've compiled some of our favorite letters and phone calls of the year. In the interest of verisimilitude, all spelling mistakes, punctuation errors, and other grammatical mishaps are the writers' own.

Good thing we have insurance
Note wrapped around a rock thrown through our front window on the day we published part two of our series on Yusuf Bey and his associates ("Blood & Money," November 13 & 20)

Don't fuck with the police

Satan is not in right now: May I take a message for him?
Anonymous voicemail left for reporter Chris Thompson following publication of same series

Hello, Satan.

The story Marin County's media wouldn't touch
In 1994 I began to suspect that my sperm was being used to create children of mine. In 1996 I became convinced of it and since then have continuously reported it to the police. As of today's date they still refuse to investigate my complaint, and I now have well over 250 children attending Marin County Grade Schools. That is, I should have at least 250 children there because that is how many photographs I have taken of children whom I can prove are mine by means of DNA testing.

I have presented these photographs to the police and district attorney. Their official comments about the unmistakable resemblance of my children is that "all Hispanic children look similar." The real reason behind their excuses is that some of my children can be found in the families of Marin County police, judges, and district attorneys.

Believe me. I am Marin County's "top secret" in that the citizens employed in law enforcement are afraid of you finding out about this.

DNA EVIDENCE IN YOUR FACE

You don't have to be a DNA expert to understand the visual manifestations of parental child DNA replication. The statement, "you have your dads eyes," hands, or feet, is sufficient to convey the meaning of "visual manifestations of DNA replication."

YOUR ASSISTANCE

Often times when the general public is informed about a personal tragedy they offer financial assistance. I can use immediate financial assistance and attorney representation. I have informed the local news media about my situation, asking them to help by printing my allegations to the general public, but the Marin IJ, Pacific Sun, Novato Advance, and the rest of the Bay Area news media is staying away from me.
Paul Barrier, Novato


Yes, this is a test
Re: FDR, of the Wealthy & Powerful, said in public "I welcome their hatred" ...

Now we're "blessed" with the ungored oxymoron of a glorfied "Cowboy-Butler" hellbent on "Service!" to that same Wealth & Power. Hellbent! American generosity of spirit iron-fistedly second-guessed

Ooo Coo Ca Choo J. Edgar Ashcroft Jesus loves the ones you make life so much harder for ... and George of Poppy's Jungle-smack! thanks for sharing your incontinent profit-jones! the boardroom monkey on your back! Bohemian Grove prayer Meetin's, Skull & Bones! Dapper Barbarians, sodden, gleamy Oilygarchs! such mesmerizing gall ...

you count on us against the Poor to cast our votes like stones! lipserving Christ to plow the devil's field, singing hyms & pledging "under God" to furrow the phony moral high ground of pharisees

Is this a test? A man who thinks compassion means stepping OVER instead of ON the Downtrodden!

I get it! it's not a Bitter Cup half-full ... it's all, all a cheezy scoundrel's-last-refuge national pop-up, a window to close with a point & click, a wormy screen-saver ... NOT the Program. Right? NOT our Founding Father's Uncle Sam ...
Michael Masley, Artist General (The Artist General is a cabinet-level self-appointment for life)


Praising with faint damnation
Anonymous voicemail to editor following publication of our cover story about World War II reenactors ("Jesse's Heroes," April 17).

I've been reading y'all for a long time but I think that writing about guys dressing up as Nazis is a drag, and I'm not Jewish even, I'm part German. C'mon man, there's people out there starving on the streets. Kind of disturbing, but I'm sure that you have to get whatever attention you can. Who cares about these morons running off pretending they're soldiers? Millions and millions of people were killed during that time.

It was still a good story though; I have to admit it was well-written and all that.

The Italian roots of the Bush economic program
RE: Mainstream new stories on Bush privatizing Gov't Jobs

On 10/28/1934, The New York Times ran a similar story on their Letters to the Editor page, with the headline "Benefits of Fascism Viewed on Birthday: In Thirteen Years Regime Regarded as Having Accomplished Many Laudable Things in Italy."

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