I Want Your Truck 

"In what field of work would someone with a bachelor's in Chicano Studies land?"

Dear Mexican: I was going through a local state college's academic program the other day and found that they offer a bachelor's degree in Chicano Studies. My question is in what field of work would someone with a bachelor's in Chicano Studies land? Here are a few jobs I came up with: working at a lowrider or tattoo shop. Designing Virgin de Guadalupe T-shirts. Make Loc's shades. Work for Nike in their Cortez shoe department. Design a Web page like Mapquest, but only to show popular cruising routes in the city.
The Bean who Thinks Outside the Burrito

Dear Wab: I've launched darts at Chicano Studies with the best of them. I've accused the program of creating humorless PC pendejos who focus too much on victimization. And I still maintain Chicano Studies faces a looming crisis borne from the fact that so few folks nowadays identify themselves as Chicanos. But as a discipline, Chicano Studies employs the same rigorous standards of research and inquiry (save for the extra-credit Ozomatli concert) as other majors — a degree in the subject is equally valid (or worthless, conversely) as any other member of the humanities. As for jobs? The short list includes doctors, lawyers, social workers, nonprofit saints, artists, journalists, musicians and un chingo de teachers and professors — and those are just the professions of people I know. But don't believe me — listen to the graduates themselves. Awright, Chicano Studies cabrones: This is your chance to show America your degree isn't just a capitulation to whiny minorities. Tell the Mexican how Chicano Studies helps your career, and he'll publish the best testimonials in the coming weeks!

I own a red 1994 Ford Ranger with a fiberglass shell. Mexicans are always asking me if I want to sell it. At first, I was confused when a woman asked, "Do you wan' sell jour pee cup?" They ring my doorbell, accost me in my driveway, put notes on my windshield, and send their kids after me. No one will cop as to why they think my short is so hot. Why do Mexicans want my truck?
Camionero Rojo de la Madre

Dear Red Bad-Ass Truck Driver: "My short is so hot"? This is ¡Ask a Mexican!, not Car Talk or The Anal Dwarf, so cut the ambiguous lingo. Don't worry too much about Mexicans coveting your troca — it's as natural to us as mustaches and menudo. See, Mexicans have largely replaced burros and horses with trucks (and SUVs) in the past couple of decades as their beasts of burden and leisure. I really don't need to overstate the utilitarian purposes of a pickup, but here it is for y'all nonhillbilly gabachos — big bed, extra seats for work buddies or familia, ideal for smuggling contraband. To honor the troca's place in modern-day Mexican culture, a new generation of singers pen hits about big vehicles much like previous corridistas praised horses — famous examples include "El Cherokee de la Muerte" ("The Cherokee of Death"), "El Suburban," and Los Tigres del Norte's infamous "La Camioneta Gris" ("The Gray Truck"). But not all is glamorous with Mexicans and their trucks. In the 1995 study "Who Carries Passengers in the Back of Pickup Trucks?," researchers with the University of California, Irvine, found that Hispanics (read: wabs) were more likely to do what the paper's title stated, which led to muchos injuries. Goes to show that sometimes, you can take the wab out of the rancho but you can't take the rancho out of the wab.

SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION ALERT! Pissed off about Iowa Congressman Steve King's idiotic statement that Mexicans who live near their families are proof we're not assimilating? Read the Mexican's rebuttal in his new book!


Subscribe to this thread:

Add a comment

Latest in Columns

  • ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Putting a name to a crazy, mixed-up heritage.
    • Sep 26, 2007
  • ¡Ask a Mexican!

    Ask a Mexican
    • Sep 12, 2007
  • ¡Arriba, Arriba!

    "Speedy González is the most misunderstood Mexican since your gardener."
    • Sep 5, 2007
  • More »

Author Archives

Most Popular Stories

  • Keeping Police Misconduct Secret

    It seems clear that Oakland police and other law enforcement agencies only plan to reveal body-camera video if the footage shows that cops did nothing wrong.
  • California Legalization Measure to Debut Soon

    The most credible effort is late out of the gate, while campaign warchests are missing in action. Meanwhile, California lawmakers are rushing to write rules for medical pot.
  • The Damage of Youth Solitary Confinement in California

    East Bay advocates want juvenile jails to stop isolating inmates — but correction officials continue to argue that the questionable tactic is essential to control "dangerous" kids.
  • East Oakland Residents to Breathe Easier

    Activists led a successful campaign to reroute diesel-spewing trucks away from residential streets.
  • Banking on Coal in Oakland

    Records show that a secretive plan to ship coal through the Port of Oakland is being driven by a company that wants to massively expand its coal mining operations in Utah and by a public official who stands to profit personally.

Special Reports

Local Economy 2015

Everything you need to know about the entrepreneurs and activists making the economy tick in Oakland, Berkeley, and the greater East Bay.

Summer Guide 2015

Your definitive guide to summertime entertainment, outings, eating, drinking, and more.

© 2015 East Bay Express    All Rights Reserved
Powered by Foundation