Gary vs. the Ballot Hijackers 

Issa? Bock? The Terminator? Don't make us laugh: Coleman's challengers will be weeping come October 8.

"Arnold" vs. Ahnuld

Schwarzenegger wasn't even born here. Would you really entrust the union's largest state to an aging, foreign-built T-1000 robot?

Gary is an American-born American who bleeds American blood.

Gary vs. Darrell

The New York Times on Issa, the car-alarm magnate: "Please step away from the state."

The Washington Post on Gary: "Fearless, pudgy, impudent."

Gary vs. Audie

First Ms. Bock was a Green Partyer, then hopped over to the independents. Now she's a Democrat.

Gary has always adored bunnies.

Gary vs. Riordan

Rich Richard aspires to drop $5 million on his very own weekly newspaper.

Gary managed to get on the cover of this one for nothing.

Gary vs. Simon

Bill couldn't beat Davis the first time around. Plus he's a creepy ultraconservative with horrible taste in eyewear.

Gary unequivocally supports a lady's right to choose ... him. Hola!

Gary vs. Camejo

A socialist stockbroker? What a friggin' oxymoron, this Peter guy.

Gary always leaves pennies in the karma cup at 7-Eleven.

Gary vs. Arianna

Wasn't she a crazy right-wing hack just a couple of years ago? Now the Zsa Zsa of the Left is fighting terror one SUV at a time.

Unlike the terrorists, Gary loves our freedom.

Gary vs. Michael

Mike went solo and split from his beard, but he's still an empty suit who relied on daddy's riches and lost anyway.

Gary's daddy relied on Gary's riches.

Gary vs. Angelyne

The billboard queen's candidacy is merely a cheap publicity stunt.

Gary refuses to legitimize such denigration of the political process.

Gary vs. Larry

Among other things, Mr. Flynt's Hustler has featured a woman shooting a hard-boiled egg out of her you-know-what.

Gary does not approve, but supports Flynt's 1st Amendment rights.

Gary vs. DiFi

If Senator Feinstein can't commit to running, how committed could she be to running California?

Gary was born ready.

Gary vs. Gallagher

A candidate ashamed of his first name? And c'mon, do we really want a governor with a mullet?

Gary Wayne Coleman has nothing to be ashamed of.

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