Friday, May 4, 2007

Press Release Action

Fri, May 4, 2007 at 5:05 PM

Every so often, a press release comes along that's so clever it retains our faith in these fax- and e-mail-based, hyperbole-laden, often intelligence-diminishing broadcast advertisements. We received one such notice this afternoon. If you're interested in music, irony, kitsch, drinking, Richard Simmons, the '80s, or exercise; or if you work as a publicist; you must read on, and be enlightened.

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A celebration of spandex, legwarmers, and headbands with free jazzercise cassette singles give-aways and a raffle for a Richard Simmons VHS tape! Performers will be encouraged to lead jazzercise routines during their sets. 6/10/07 @ 2:00 PM

"The Festival of Fitness"

Stork Club 2330 Telegraph Ave Oakland, 94612 Cost: $8

6/10/07 The Stork Club, Oakland doors 2pm, BBQ, DJ Mole (Downward Dog intermitantly between sets, ironic ukele & mandolin covers) 3pm Musak Kareoke with DJ Enoch Lighthouse (real kareoke from the audience over easy listening instrumentals) 4pm Mike Glendinning (a troubador who has the heart of a prostitute with a heart of gold) 4:30pm Junior Showmanship (humorous odes) 5pm The Bleu Canadians (semi-authentic Canadian garage) 6pm The Happy Clams (new wave meets seafood) 7pm The Clarences (E.L.O. meets The Partridge Family) 8pm The Plasterkatz (the ultimate in music for birthday parties for cats) 9pm Joe Rut (top 40 music from the 22nd century) 10pm The Gorillas From The Crypt Dance Team (syncronized 'Thriller' dance from people in gorrilla suits who will have completed a 5K race that same day doing that same shtick) 10:30pm Bunny Numpkins & The Kill Blow-Up Reaction (puppet rock) 11:30 October Allied (a little bit rockabilly and a little bit new wave) 12:30 Fleeting Trance (fleeting meets trance)

11:30 October Allied (a little bit rockabilly and a little bit new wave) October Allied has crafted a unique sound that combines vintage tones and modern songwriting. Their music stradles the past and the future of rock-and-roll. Masters of post-punk modernism who have become serious students of blues, country, jazz, r&b, and soul, the band's honest reverence of their musical heritage is unmistakable, but never takes the form of revivalism. www.octoberallied.com

10:30pm Bunny Numpkins & The Kill Blow-Up Reaction (puppet rock) Lead vocalist Shelly Vinyl, a veteran of the adult-contemporary puppet cabaret scene, met bassist Patrick Swayze Double-Dragon as competitors in the regional finals of the Wagon Wheel Armwrestling Tournament in Nashau, Montana. Other band members were discovered at bus stops. Drummer Tequila Killingsworth was raised by wolves on an agave plantation in Mexico. She barks in Spanish. She likes hierarchy. She howls at the moon. The 8-Bit Princess, accordianista, likes hanging out on polygonal clouds and slaying the over-pixellated with 20-point fireballs. 8-Bit is also a fierce lover of fonts and chocolate. Guitarist Desmond Bitchen is a substitute librarian for whom the Ninties never happened. He will subvert the Dewey Decimal System from within. Together, they are Bunny Numpkins and the Kill Blow-Up Reaction. www.myspace.com/bunnynumpkinsandthekillblowupreaction

9pm Joe Rut (top 40 music from the 22nd century) Joe Rut was born, and then later started playing guitar and writing songs. Joe loves donuts, although he understands they are killing him. Most donut shops have crappy coffee, and most good coffee shops don't have actual donuts. Joe finds this sad. Joe lives in Oakland, CA, likes to write about himself in the third person, and was bi-polar when bi-polar wasn't cool. Joe has been fortunate enough to play in swell places such as UK's Glastonbury Music Festival, The Fillmore in San Francisco (opening for Richard Thompson), Burning Man, the Shoreline and Sleep Train Amphitheaters and an empty parking lot in Berkeley. All of these places were fun, but the only one that had a decent donut was Glastonbury. The Brits know how to make a donut. www.myspace.com/joerut

8pm The Plasterkatz (the ultimate in music for birthday parties for cats) This five-member band uses an eclectic variety of instruments, from standard drums-guitar-bass to mandolin, violin, harmonica, saxophone, theremin, bodhran, stand-up electric bass, banjo, megaphone, washboard, djembe, dumbek, spoons, the cool side drum, slide whistle, penny whistle, recorder, ukulele, cabasa, shushooka, keyboards, synthesizer, and concertina. http://www.myspace.com/plasterkatz

7pm The Clarences (E.L.O. meets The Partridge Family) The Clarences are. . .ABBA / Atari 2600 / Hal Blaine / Captain & Tennille / Cheap Trick / Russell Dabney / DC Comics(up until 1991) / Electric Light Orchestra / "Greatest American Hero" theme song(Joey Scarbury's "Believe It Or Not") / Michael G. Hagerty / Billy Joel / KISS / Marvel Comics(up until 1988) / Meco. www.myspace.com/theclarences

6pm The Happy Clams (new wave meets seafood) And on the eigth day God made the place that opened up in the morning and served donuts and coffee. In no time flat we ended up with a lot of people being born in the 20th century. Three of them became members of the group The Happy Clams, who ride the Back 40 charts of what we know as today's Un-Pop music. One of them had a donut and coffee the other day. Coincidence? I think not. www.myspace.com/thehappyclams

5pm The Bleu Canadians (semi-authentic Canadian garage) As a caviat to the NAFTA Legislation, the Canadian government had to designate a band as ambassador to the States. Therefore, THE BLEU CANADIANS are special envoys to ROCK! HARD! Prepare to be delighted by the cool and frosty sensations that were previously reserved for the ice highways in the Yukon Territory. Get ready to get pulped, like the output of the forests of the Great White North! Come to terms that every snowflake is unique, and relish the spatztic organism of THE BLEU CANADIANS!!!! Free Quebec! Free Quebec! www.myspace.com/thebleucanadians

4:30pm Junior Showmanship (humorous odes) Mad folk duo Junior Showmanship, Suki/Sue duo that plays songs that pull the existential thread of life. www.myspace.com/shemob

4pm Mike Glendinning (a troubador who has the heart of a prostitute with a heart of gold) The Mike Glendinning Band is winner Of The 2007 Golden Viking Award www.myspace.com/mikeglendinning

12:30 Fleeting Trance (fleeting meets trance) I just prefer messages because most comments are commercials sorry I deleted all those comments. www.myspace.com/fleetingtrance

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