Okay, face it: Oakland may be the home of Too $hort -- who's famous for unleashing the word "biiiiiiatch" and the documentary Titty City onto the world -- but otherwise, we East Bay folk don't exactly live in the strip club mecca of the universe. Hayward's Club Rumor is doing its best to close the T&A gap between San Francisco and the East Bay (or Hayward, at least) with its monthly underwear model contest -- which features an impressive selection of tender rumps and juicy abs (though it's still a little short on the "T" part). Still, even the more enterprising local bordellos have yet to top the Bench and Bar, whose Thursday night "Coochielicious" event -- billed for women who love women -- is still the leading torchbearer for Titty City-style scandal. And honestly, there's no better forum for watching hot strippers than a swank downtown club with tight security and a wall-to-wall reggaetn soundtrack. It's no surprise that Bench & Bar is known for doling out free condoms (and grape Jolly Ranchers) at the door.