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Comment Archives: Stories: Movies

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Third time seeing Avatar - honestly enjoyed it at least as much as the first time. Now that Avatar is close to breaking the billion dollar mark in less than fourteen days, and daily box office numbers continue to RISE...
Kelly - I feel your pain.
You must feel pretty dumb...

Posted by avatarlvr on 12/29/2009 at 8:20 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

sorry about my previous post just testing out the whole comment thing since I just signed up, now onto my opinion, okay I did see the film before reading any reviews and I thought at first it was a pretty good film even though I could somewhat predict a few things in the film but I did have a few things I couldn't stomach. First what does the unobtainium do? maybe it was mentioned but I missed it but they never really say why it is worth 20 million a kilo or why they were even there to get it. @nd I found the plot a little to black and white for my taste. The plot clearly defines who the good guys and the bad guys are, but for this kind of film I was expecting some moral ambiguity to this. and last I already mentioned this but I'll say it again some of the things in the plot were a little predictable if your used to seeing this kind of plot. Otherwise I thought it was an okay film.

Posted by Tython on 12/29/2009 at 3:28 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses


Posted by Tython on 12/29/2009 at 3:21 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

I LOVE reading Kelly's reviews. Every time I see a movie review in the Express it makes me smile. I literally cant wait to open the paper and find out what film Kelly has blasted this week. Movie critic who hates watching movies. Its awesome!!!! Havent seen Avatar. I am sure the dialog is boring at times and the plot plods, but I will watch it anyway without thinking twice because my friends suggested.

Kelly - Keep up the good work. I'm serious. I love your stuff. I am almost disapointed sometimes when you like a film. It confuses me. Luckily I saw Flame and Citron before you did so you couldnt cloud my vision.

Posted by Dudley on 12/29/2009 at 12:08 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

I'm not convinced a person who isn't a sci-fi/fantasy movie fan giving such a one-sided and obviously pointless -- not to mention baseless -- review of a sci-fi/fantasy movie can truly be taken seriously. So to that end, it doesn't matter what I, or anyone has to say about this review, if indeed I can bring myself to describe it as such, other than to say that you should take care in how you throw around words like "we", and speak for yourself. Rest assured in that, Ms. Vance - your opinions are not shared by those of us whom the movie was intended. I'm not sure what goes into being a movie critic (well, because I work for a living), but I can't imagine that a critic can be so incredibly short sighted and unimaginative as to write something like this. It's a good bet this piece of literary mastery won't hurt ticket sales any, methinks.

And I quote:

"At some point during the climactic battle scene we become intensely aware that we're only watching a movie. That's a bad sign for writer-director Cameron. It's doubtful that Avatar, special effects and saturation ad campaign notwithstanding, will ever sell as many tickets as Cameron's kingmaker, Titanic."

Words I'm sure you're going to need a full bottle of Texas Pete to swallow.

Posted by movie critic hater on 12/29/2009 at 10:08 AM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

This was an average film with spectacular visuals. It was really a bunch of different plot lines from other movies and short stories stitched together in a funky, though aesthetically pleasing tapestry. For a blockbuster film, I was disappointed by its unoriginality.

The evil portrayal of the military and big business was tired, hackneyed, and cheap. For a great film-maker like Cameron, I was disappointed by the movie's childish idealism. Totally unsophisticated.

I'm surprised I haven't read more criticism of the climax. The final battle was just plain corny. Bow hunters on flying lizards defeating a technologically advanced military? Alrighty then.

But if you loved this film, good for you. To each his own, right?

1 like, 0 dislikes
Posted by Rick's Cafe Americana on 12/29/2009 at 12:45 AM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

I thought the story telling was wonderful. It had an understandable plot, humor, romance, action and heartbreak. (Is there something that I'm missing to provide a great story line?) Not to mention a world created so vividly well that you felt that you were actually there. I don't understand critics like Kelly Vance. This movie was simply awesome. I was captivated from the moment the movie started until the very end. I've been to very few movies where people stood, clapped and cheered at the end. This was one of those. I guess my career as a critic will be short lived.

Posted by darren6463 on 12/28/2009 at 9:03 AM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

In 2 weeks nobody will even remember this movie. I also don't understand going into a theater to appreciate nature, why not go to a botanical garden, a park, or go hiking? The only way the experience inside the theater is better in regards to this is if you have allergies or something and can't actually be outside. I remember how it was such a big deal a decade or two ago to see animated hair. The hair was allegedly life like, so it was some great break through. could have just looked at a photo or a mirror, and you'd have saved a lot of time.

The only reason anyone likes this movie is because it's in 3d and because they like the idea of it being CG that looks real. You have the right to find that enjoyable, but you need to understand that not everybody is impressed or satisfied with such a shallow experience. Those of you commenting that it is successful are indeed right, the widest audience is of course going to appeal to the lowest common denominator. WWF is really popular too among the lower classes, that doesn't change it into some sort of high level writing.

Posted by Press on 12/27/2009 at 11:41 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Because we don't have $300 million to throw about. We understand symbolism. We just don't like it when it's half-baked and cliched symbolism. Any hack could write a better plot.

Posted by MrFahrenheit on 12/27/2009 at 8:55 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Clearly someone here doesn't understand a thing about symbolism, and it's not me. Since you also seem to be so outspoken about the works of others, perhaps we should ask you to write a better plot? Why don't you do the acting and directing as well?

Posted by Ig on 12/27/2009 at 8:42 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Can anyone say, "Ferngully"?
Yes, it's an impressive experience, but there's hardly a new idea in the entire plot.
Examples: Navi, sounds like cousins of the Naboo. Wake up from hyper sleep to start military operation. Duplicitous nail-eating military bad guy. Pocahontas. Magic carpet in Aladdin. Warriors riding flying dragons.
It's still interesting visually, but as the reviewer says, the storyline is brainless and the characters are well, exactly what marketing says they should be.

Posted by Mr. William on 12/27/2009 at 5:11 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Brilliant review, I say. Ham-fisted social messages, lumbering dialogue, and recycled stories aren't enough to carry 3 hours of pretty pictures. The villain has facial scarring. Is that the best the King Of The World could come up with? "We better watch out for this guy. He's disfigured."

And although the CGI is impressive, the mix-and-match alien life is less than imaginative. Hammerhead Shark + Rhino. Jellyfish + Dandelion. Pterodactyl + USB port.

Posted by MrFahrenheit on 12/27/2009 at 4:43 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Critic Kelly Vance gave Cameron *way* too much credit. The film is laughable all the way through, all the way through. It takes just about every hackneyed Hollywood cliche about the clash of cultures, mixes it up in a medium-tech video game world that is less engaging than the apps on my kids' ipods, and bakes it in a mumbo-jumbo of uninformed political stereotyping. That Cameron would attempt to evince comparisons to Apocolypse Now by having his bulky one-dimensional mercenary Colonel sip coffee standing up in a big attack craft underlined how amateurish the entire effort was from the opening scene. The civilian rep of the mother corporation is about 10 to the fourth less convincing than the least believable Bond villain. If nothing else, Cameron gives us pause to appreciate why intelligent geeks like Star Trek. This movie is a d-o-g dog. The plot line makes Brando mumbling his way through incoherent rants about injustice to America's indigenous peoples seem like the height of informed political discourse with an actual theme. Cameron might win an award for Avatar in a tween People's Choice poll, but besides hat his best chance to be taken seriously will be at the Razzies. There is a reason serious movie-makers adopt books written by real authors or at least collaborate with semi-literate hacks when bringing ego projects to life. If you like the idea of a blue Amazon with a ridiculous body mouthing off ridiculous dialogue in an accent that is far worse than Angie as Alexander's mother in another joke "blockbuster," this flick is for you. Wes Studi should have had more pride: Cameron couldn't have done a better job satirizing every laughable Hollywood stereotype of the Noble Savage if he'd set out to make fun of himself. Real Indians know how the story ends in real life, and I wished I'd seen the field in the Rez or the 'hood where they can see through a phony from a long way off. Eye c u James Cameron.

Posted by GERONIMO on 12/27/2009 at 12:04 AM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

I have to agree with Kelly on this one. This movie, while very beautiful and nice to look at, falls flat. The plot was as predictable as can be and seemed to follow the story line of Pocahontas while mocking Native American and African tribal customs. The message this movie was trying to convey was as transparent as window glass and anyone who could not see it needs to work on their analytical skills. As someone who sides more with liberals (although I hate that word) the propaganda this movie contained was a little annoying. If I wanted to see this I would rather watch CNN or the news.

Posted by Pandora on 12/26/2009 at 12:58 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses


I'm sorry, while this review is a little off, you're a total blithering idiot if you think it isn't at the least VERY CLEARLY implied that the soldiers are, or represented, in the image of "americans"-- type of english accent/slang/military speak and all (have you ever even traveled outside the country to hear non-american english accents?)-- and i have to ask why did you even like the film in the first place other than fanboyism then (is that really your best?) if so many points flew over your head.

Of course in summation its Earth forces (and more a comment on humanity in general), but americans were used to represent "Earth". Or wait.. did you not have enough faith in America to still think that it would still be the most powerful country in the world in 2154, front-running massive, critical missions like the one in Pandora to save Earth? Little inconsistent there, aren't we?

"If you're going to twist around the content of the film, is it really a review, or proganda?"

get real.

"and that has to do with it's affect on the Sci-Fi genre"

The sci-fi genre, at least as far as worthy contributions go, has almost always (90% of the time) been commentary on political, racial, human, and philosophical ideas.

Posted by CloudAK on 12/25/2009 at 1:38 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

You're entitled to your opinion, much as I disagree with it. I thought the movie was rich visually and groundbreaking in a number of ways. Yes the story and dialog was simplistic, but I still found the movie very enjoyable.

And just a FYI, the term Unobtanium is often used in the scientific and engineering community to reference poorly understood of secret materials. The inclusion of the term was a nice nod to people who work in those fields. Just thought you should know..

Posted by Neophile on 12/24/2009 at 11:26 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Well, it's a movie. Only a movie. 83% on Rotten Tomatoes. So there is a 17% probabillity you won't like Avatar. Deal with it, fanboys.

Posted by ItsOnlyAMovie on 12/24/2009 at 12:08 PM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Amazing how can someone dismiss such masterpiece, go back to your armchair please.

Posted by Pako80 on 12/24/2009 at 10:25 AM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

Kelly, I would just like to know how you can watch a movie that not only parallels, but points out, some of the biggest problems that humanity faces, and say that it has a weak plot line only sustained by eye catching visual effects. Just because human industrialism is portrayed in a bad light doesn't mean that the plot line is weak, or predictable. Please take your jaded, biased, presumptuous comments with you when you take that vacation.

Posted by Stephen34826 on 12/24/2009 at 1:14 AM

Re: “Planet of the Grosses

This movie had horrendous pacing and an ending that you could predict 30 minutes in. This movies problem is it leaves nothing to the imagination. It shoves every unnecessary, unimportant event right through your head. You don't need any creativity to watch this thing. Cameron's done great work before. But this isn't one of them. Its not a bad movie by far. Just has quite a bit of problems with it.

Posted by Jonjon222 on 12/24/2009 at 12:00 AM

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