Raising Pagans
When Daddy is Catholic and Mommy is a Witch, what's a couple to teach their children?
By Kathleen Richards @KathleenRich
At first glance, you'd never know that little Elizabeth Nettleton is Pagan. The vivacious four-year-old cuddles in her mother's lap, floppy blond bangs dangling in her eyes as she clutches her green stuffed alligator and a red teddy-bear blanket. Then the girl reaches underneath her pink sweater and pulls out a long silver chain bearing a dime-size pentacle.
"Why do you wear the pentacle?" asks Tina, who would pass as a typical San Leandro mom were it not for the tiny silver stud in her nose.
"Because mommy wears hers!" Lizzie exclaims.
"Do you remember what the pentacle stands for?" Tina, 37, asks tenderly.
Sean, her brown-haired six-year-old, sits playing with dominoes at a small table nearby. "The earth, the air, the fire, and the water," he rattles off, neglecting "spirit," the star's fifth point.
Last summer, Tina, a Wiccan, bought pentacle pendants for her children. Sean had been pestering her for months, ever since she started wearing hers. But after only a couple of weeks, just before he was due to start kindergarten, he took his off.
According to his mom, Sean doesn't like to stand out, while Elizabeth is the "free thinker" and "wild girl" who proudly declares that her mother is a Witch. But Sean's apprehension to display his Pagan side also has to do with his father.
Chris, 38, is Catholic. Since his wife began practicing Wicca two years ago, he has been largely supportive of his wife's newfound religion, even if there are some things he doesn't agree with. For her initiation — which she likens to a Catholic confirmation — he bought her a besom, a ceremonial witch's broom. There are several altars around their San Leandro home, including one in the living room by the front door. Bold bumper stickers adorn their refrigerator, such as "Born Again Pagan" and "Where there's a Witch, there's a way."
But navigating their religious differences has become trickier as the children have grown. Chris is worried the kids will face discrimination. "I had a discussion with him saying, 'Well, some people might not understand,'" he recalls telling Sean. "'And if you don't feel comfortable you don't have to talk about anything. But if you do feel comfortable we'll back you up.'
"I think that kind of backfired," Chris adds. "I think he kind of said, 'Well, people won't like me.'"
At just six, Sean is already highly aware of his dual religious identity — even more so since he started attending Catholic school. He now calls himself a "Catholic Witch" and says he doesn't agree with all Catholic or all Wicca beliefs. The boy says he believes in one God and one Goddess, and that Jesus was "a great person."
His pentacle chain now also carries a cross — a gift from his mom — but Sean still won't wear it. It's hanging on a shelf in his bedroom.
Out of the Broom Closet
By many accounts, Paganism has grown tremendously in the United States over the last several decades, which means a lot more kids are being raised Pagan. The old religion reemerged during the 1960s after England repealed its anti-witchcraft laws, and began taking off in the mid-1980s. Once-secretive Pagan societies here and in Europe emerged from what they called the "broom closet." New books on Paganism were published, and small groups of devotees known as covens or "circles" began to multiply.
By far the biggest Pagan subgroup is Wicca, which itself has numerous subgroups with varying practices and beliefs. Generally speaking, Wiccans worship the sacred as existing in nature, are polytheistic, and can choose Gods or Goddesses from any pantheon, such as Egyptian or Norse — Tina favors Tara, a popular Buddhist deity, whom she describes as "the all." Many Wiccans trace their roots to medieval pre-Christian European traditions.
"It's grown from being obscure to becoming one of the top four faith groups in the United States," said Reverend Patrick McCollum, a longtime Wiccan chaplain, activist, and instructor for Cherry Hill Seminary, an online Pagan religious school based in Vermont. Wicca has no central authority, and therefore nobody's membership estimates are definitive. McCollum, who lives in Moraga, cites estimates that range between 300,000 and 1.2 million in the United States — he thinks the latter is most accurate. Some Pagan organizations boast upward of fifty thousand members, and the online WitchSchool.com claims nearly 180,000 registered students.
The biggest factor in Wicca's growth, according to McCollum, is that it encourages its adherents to participate in their own spirituality and connect with the divine in their own way. McCollum had his first divine connection in 1965 following a near-fatal motorcycle crash — he encountered God, who was female. He details the experience in his book, Courting the Lady: A Wiccan Journey, Book One: The Sacred Path, which was published last year.
Comments (9)
Showing 1-9 of 9
How amusing that anonymous felt compelled to post anonymously! How brave, kindhearted, and public spirited of them!
I don't believe in Pope Benedict, so believe he can say as he likes, and it will not concern me.
There are MANY other paths, and MANY other names. How could a God of LOVE make people all over the world, and then make only ONE group RIGHT. He made ALL the people right. He gave them all different names to call him by, to better fit the understanding, that HE gave them. To some he gave the Bible, to some the Koran, to some all the other sacred texts of the world, and the lore passed down amongst themselves.
Some people, however, always feel the need to be RIGHT, so amongst all the various people were some who like to corrupt the true Various words of God, and claim that anyone not them are evil, and find some way to weasel it into the True words of God.
If you believe that anyone not the people who believe as you do is evil, just based on how that person worships, not how they behave to their neighbors, how they treat their children, or how they help others, then it really is YOU who are evil!
Jane Markham.
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As a parent raising pagan children in a Christian neighborhood, I am always glad to read of other parents facing the difficulties we do. My children have been badly bullied by purported christian children, sometimes at their parents behest.
While painful for my children, they have learned valuable lessons about themselves and Jesus' teachings (which do not condone bullying children BTW) and pagan beliefs. Our children will be exposed to and taught respectfully about all religions and when they are of age they may chose for themselves.
I would not deliberately have chosen this tough path for my children. But, I also could not choose to lie to myself, or them, about my beliefs.
Am I the only pagan parent that is absolutely terrified of the Christian religion and it's members? I can't even hang a pentacle for decoration in my neighborhood for fear that it will draw unwelcome attention and a visit from ACS to my door.
I was raised a 'good Christian' and converted to paganism when I was a teen, in college, because it fit.
Now, as a parent, I struggle with how I can teach my child my beliefs, yet still make sure she is safe in a world full of Christians, many of whom don't even read the bible, or follow through on the tenets of christianity!
being surrounded by Christians terrifies me, more so now than ever.
The apostasy described here is growing rapidly all over the world as the time grows short. To be clear, a pagan is one who has not yet come to salvation in Jesus Christ; an apostate is one who has come out from Jesus' arms and that of His Church and commandments and gone elsewhere. God our Father is VERY jealous for the souls of all His children, so he makes it clear in the Bible that we cannot turn away from His Son back to the "re-emerging" spiritualities (all essentially demonic in nature). To do so is death. Note how Pope Bendict re-iterated: hell is real and eternal and is essentially for those who closed themselves off from His Love. Things like Wicca close you, and it's therefore very much harder to get back to Jesus' arms. Jesus is indeed the only Lord and Savior and He loves us so much! And the Mass is not meant to be "empowering" but to give us (if we're in a state of grace) Jesus' own Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, so we can be Love. There is no other path, no other name. Beware people who think they can redefine what is Truth and Light and what is Dark and false. Ask Jesus' mother, Mary, to help you sort this out. Use the rosary.
great article, interesting. I am always so astonished by the amount of tolerance that pagans and wiccans show towards christianity - after al, their religion has been almost brutally wiped out by christians. Mr. Nettleson deserves compliments, but sure Mrs. Nettleson deserves the same!
An excellently-written, well thought out article that doesn't assume absolutes. A distinct pleasure to read.
Kudos to Chris Nettleson for his openness, acceptance and support of his wife and her conversion to Paganism. Religious tolerance of our neighbor’s beliefs is one thing but needing to deal in a positive way with the difficult questions your own children raise about spirituality can be extremely difficult, but he is facing these hard questions with a sincere and loving heart. He is a model father and partner.
What a great article! There is significant social impacts as a result of our spiritual/religious affiliations and preferences. Monotheistic approaches to spirituality have missed the mark in deemphasizing nature based spirituality. What is down beneath our feet is not only good - it is critical. Some pagan and buddhist practitioners are critical of monotheistic practices while many of my friends integrate monotheistic, buddhist, and polytheistic approaches to spiritual practice - it is all good take what you like approach. Because of the pain caused by historic violence everyone is at risk for saying hey, "my covenant is the right one" and being limited and fascist in approaching spirituality. There is no perfect document for relating to the history of creation. The is no perfect document for our human suffering. There is always more to learn. Going down and integrating earth based spirituality as well as the disowned shadows (personal negative character traits) of self, is critical, as is joy in spirit. I am Jewish and love my cultural herritage, though I disagree with violence perpetuated by fundamentalist and selfish, limited approaches to problems solving - notice the problems go unsolved. I am buddhist and I believe in nature as religion. Polytheistic cultures offer creative opportunity for integration and are critical to all of humankind - we are varried. When the dove, from Noah's ark found life found life it was not for one people - it was not for human's - it was opportunity for all life. How do I find peace? Looking around at the earth, the good people of Berkely, appreciating the people burried under the cement, their land and culture, the earth, moon, and the stars, and being grateful.
All Pagan sectors are going to experience much negativity, as the inital beginning of the USA, was based on Religious Freedom. The problem is that religious freedom was to be extended to protestants, catholics, and at a later time jews and islam, buddha etc. The Pagan religions was considered not included, as the Salem Witch trial attest. Any person professing Paganism in any form will have the same fight as the protestants and catholics experienced in Ireland for hundreds of years. So we must be prepared to see it through, or forget it completely.
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